Still haven’t given up on the possibility that my friend will tackle the NFC North for me, so let’s just move on to the AFC North.
Married–Ben Roethlisberger, Pittsburgh Steelers
He almost died in a motorcycle accident, so you probably wouldn’t have to worry about him deciding to ride one of those during his midlife crisis. Also, he played the whole game last night against the Jacksonville Jaguars, despite significant pain in his throwing arm. And his whole team rallied around him. That’s a stick-it-out kind of guy, a good husbandly trait to have.
Enemies–Carson Palmer, Cincinnati Bengals
I don’t know why Carson would be my enemy…
Ok, after reading Wikipedia, I’ve decided that this is my reason for disliking Carson:
Also in 2008, an underground group of Arizona Iced Tea fans invented a new version of the Arnold Palmer (drink). The drink contains Pink Lemonade in place of the more traditional kind and is called the Carson Palmer.
Iced tea makes me gag.
Lovers–Joe Flacco, Baltimore Ravens
Joe’s team is playing well so far this season, thanks to the Ravens’ strong defense. Will it keep up? I don’t know. Will he turn into a great quarterback? I don’t know that either. So it seems like a good plan to strike while the iron is hot, so to speak.
Friends–Derek Anderson, Cleveland Browns
Derek is my friend because I picked him up for my fantasy football team at the end of the year last year and thusly avoided coming in last place. (Eighth out of ten is not last.) Also, and not to be repetitive with the whole guys who could use a friend thing, but everyone in Cleveland is ready for younger, handsomer Brady Quinn to take Derek’s job and save the football season. So I’m sticking with it. Derek needs a friend.