Monday MELF: NFC West

Another week, another Monday MELF. Reminder, the fancy-sounding MELF acronym stands for:

Married
Enemies
Lovers
Friends

And it’s all based on a game I played when I was 12.

And now, the QBs of the NFC West:

M: Russell Wilson, Seattle Seahawks

Yes, ladies, I can cook, too. And I eat my veggies.

Yes, ladies, I can cook, too. And I eat my veggies.

For one, Russell is the hugely talented leader of what just might be the best NFC team for years to come. Playing as a rookie, the 24-year-old third-round pick led his team to an 11-5 record. Not too shabby. And how cute is he? Long-term success plus good looks makes Wilson the top marriage prospect of this bunch.

Also in his favor, Wilson already seems to be a great husband and has chosen a wife who seriously knows how to let her enthusiasm flag fly. Love. I mean, check this out:

russell wilson wife monday melf

The only appropriate response to your future husband being drafted.

E: Sam Bradford, St. Louis Rams

Uh huh, nice try.

Uh huh, nice try.

He was drafted the same year as Tebow, but ahead of Tebow. This is sacrilegious. Oh, the horror! Oh, the wrath that shall befall the minions of heretics and non-virgins! Or something! (Yeah, I don’t know. Sometimes these enemy picks are a stretch.)

L: Colin Kaepernick, San Francisco 49ers

colin kaepernick monday melf

Yes, he, like Russell Wilson, has the kind of bright future you’d want in a husband. And yes, in his first year as a starter he led the 49ers to the Super Bowl. But let’s be honest. The tattoos? The swagger that seems to tiptoe the line between confidence and cockiness? The arrogant bicep-kissing TD celebration? (Which he says is to show his love for his tattoos, but conveniently acts as a way to draw attention to his bod.) It all adds up to Colin being an easy pick here.

F: Kevin Kolb, Arizona Cardinals

Kevin+Kolb+Arizona+Cardinals+Training+Camp+MZ34D-JP6Exl

Draft talk says the Cardinals might be eying top quarterback prospect Geno Smith. Trade talk says that Matt Cassel might be a Card next season. And, anyway, the Cardinals seem disinterested in maintaining a relationship with Kolb. You guys, someone needs a friend.

FifGers, how would you rank the NFC West QBs?

Monday MELF: AFC North

Welcome back to FifG, laydeez.*

And welcome back to Monday MELF.

For those of you who don’t remember what this is, on account of the fact that I have not posted a similar column for three years, let me remind you by way of reposting the origin story, if you will:

As a preteen, my friends and I used to play the FLAME game.

The rules were mildly convoluted, but the point of the game was to figure out if you and the boy you liked were destined to be:

Friends
Lovers
Alimony (aka Divorced)
Married
Enemies

Now, granted, 12-year-olds should maybe not be interested in finding a lover. And, yes, the game creator clearly couldn’t think of anything better for the letter A. However, I thought this might be a fun game to apply to the league’s QBs…  I’ve decided to drop Alimony. I think E for enemies covers that one anyway. Also, since I thought of this on a Monday, I’m moving the M and renaming the game Monday MELF. Could I just post this Friday and keep its rightful name? Yes! But I’m not going to. (Also, Friday FLEM? Not so appealing…)

Without further ado, let’s begin with the quarterbacks of the home of the Super Bowl-winning Ravens–the AFC North.

M: Joe Flacco, Baltimore Ravens

Super Bowl XLVII - Baltimore Ravens v San Francisco 49ers

Joe Flacco is a good, solid QB who is a bit under the radar but makes big plays when you need them. If those traits aren’t the foundation of a quality relationship, I don’t know what are. Also, he’s cute in that way that when you’re naming a list of the hottest players you would never mention Joe, but then when you see him you’re like, Oh, shoot, maybe I should have added Joe to the list! Which is good, because you’re married to a secretly hot guy, and all the super models and actresses won’t realize that they should be trying to steal him. Also, you get to have the last name Flacco.

Flacco.

Flacco.

E: Ben Roethlisberger

ben-roethlisberger-drunk-pittsburgh-steelers-quarterback-tall-receiver-hines-ward1_display_image_display_image

Remember that time he allegedly raped that girl in the bathroom? Yeah, me too.

L: Andy Dalton, Cincinnati Bengals

50e98f223494b.image1289940764_prince-harry-290

He kind of looks like Prince Harry.

F: Brandon Weeden, Cleveland Browns

Brandon Weeden

First of all, doesn’t he look like your best friend’s older brother who always let you tag along for ice cream, even though he was going out with his cool high school friends? Second, did you know that Brandon is a huge advocate for pediatric cardiology charities because of his friendship with five-year-old Gavin–Weeden’s number 1 fan–who was born with the congenital heart disease Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome? Now, try to tell me you don’t want to be Brandon’s super bestie.

FifGers, what do you think? Did I get this week’s Monday MELF right?

*Still a little rusty on my return to FifG, but help me out: Does laydeez sound like a cute & bloggy way to address readers, or like the name of a strip club located just off the interstate?

Super Bowl Bingo: Baltimore Ravens vs. San Francisco 49ers

It’s about time to get prepping for this year’s Super Bowl! (Ok, so technically that time was probably several days ago. Bear with me here.)

Got the snacks, got the jerseys… Now all you need is your annual Super Bowl Bingo game!

As always, FifG Super Bowl Bingo is intended to help keep football fans invested in case of a blowout, and to make the game more interesting for those who are in it for the commercials.

Super Bowl Bingo

Up to 4 Players
Materials: Super Bowl Bingo game Cards (1 per player); M&Ms, pennies, or just a pen/highlighter

Directions:
1. Download the Super Bow bingo cards.
2. Print and cut out a game card for each player/team.
3. Fill in the Bonus square with something you think you will see during the game.
4. Readvover the squares with any non-football fans before the game starts.
5. Watch the Super Bowl. Each time an item on your card appears on the screen, cover the square with an M&M, a penny, or just draw an X on the square.
6. The first player who marks 5 squares in a row must shout, Super Bowl Bingo! The first person to call it wins. Or, if you want to go all out, the first player who marks the entire board wins.

Enjoy!

FifG: Mourning Whitney

FifG, like many others, grew up on Whitney Houston.

The original Whitney album was FifG’s very first ever cassette tape–a purchase that was sooooooo cool and grown-up.

Whitney was important when I was growing up, you see. Which makes the news of her death an especially strong blow to the gut.

FifG loves celeb gossip as much as the next gal, but when things like this happen, you have to stop a moment and think, Wow. Being in the public eye must be so isolating, and terrifying, and sad.

It’s news to no one that Whitney was lauded for her magnificent national anthem performance at the 1991 Super Bowl in Tampa. (My dad attended that Super Bowl, and the thing he talked about most afterwards was not the game but Whitney’s performance.) But here’s another football-eque musical tribute, an oldie but goodie. RIP Whitney.

Super Bowl: Who Should I Root For?

Need a little help deciding which team to root for in tonight’s game?

Here are some questions to help you figure it out.

1) When I think of the United States, I think of:

A) The ol’ red, white, and blue
B) The Statue of Liberty

2) I am on “Team ________”:

A) Angelina
B) Jennifer

3) My favorite dance is:

A) white boy shake
B) salsa

4) The teen movie character I identify most with is:

A) the cocky homecoming king who wins everything
B) the kind of loudmouth guy who wins sometimes

5) New Yorkers are, to me:

A) obnoxious
B) awesome

6) I identify with…

A) the favored child
B) the younger child who has grown up in his sibling’s shadow

If you answered mostly As, you should root for the Pats. If you answered mostly Bs, then go Giants!

(Guys, there is no easy checklist on this one…)

Super Bowl Bingo: NY Giants vs. NE Patriots

Ok, I’ll admit it. I’ve let this blog get away from me.

No excuses. Except I moved out of the country. Does that count? No?

Anyway, even from all the way in Europe, I’ve come up with my annual easy and fun Super Bowl bingo game. Ideally, Super Bowl Bingo will help keep football fans invested in case of a blowout, and it will make the game more interesting for those who are in it for the commercials.

Super Bowl Bingo

2 Players (or two teams of 2)
Materials: Super Bowl Bingo game Cards (1 per player); M&Ms, pennies, or just a pen/highlighter

Directions:
1. Download the Super Bowl Bingo cards.
2. Print and cut out a game card for each player/team.
3. Fill in the Bonus square with something you think you will see during the game.
4. Readvover the squares with any non-football fans before the game starts.
5. Watch the Super Bowl. Each time an item on your card appears on the screen, cover the square with an M&M, a penny, or just draw an X on the square.
6. The first player who marks 5 squares in a row must shout, Super Bowl Bingo! The first person to call it wins. Or, if you want to go all out, the first player who marks the entire board wins.

Enjoy!

Old Navy Needs a Proofreader

Hey all,

Football season is back!

Which means that Old Navy is back in the ultra-lucrative NFL/NCAA logo apparel biz. The store is once again selling merchandise for each NFL team and a bevy of college teams. (Though big-market team fans have a way better selection than smaller-market fans. See Buccaneers, Tampa Bay.)

Anyhoo, though I applaud Old Navy for giving fans a good selection of t-shirts, I can’t back the carelessness of their editorial department. (I mean, they must have one of those, right?)

Exhibit A: Old Navy cant figure out how to use an apos’trophe.

Exhibit B: Merchandise on Old Navy’s main NFL page is listed in alphabetical order by team city. But the thing is, last I remember anyway, the letter T comes after the letter S, no?

(You can click on the alphabet to buy these 3" letter stickers. Fun, right?)