Cute Football Player of the Week: Josh Freeman

I try to be fair and impartial in these Cute Football Player selections, but sometimes you just gotta be a homer.

And as far as I’m concerned, the Cute Football Player of the Year is Tampa Bay Bucs’ QB Josh Freeman.

Don’t know him yet? That’s ok. The Bucs are a smallish-market team, and they don’t get too much ESPN airtime. But Freeman’s talents are immense. Those in the know are catching on, so I’m sure the rest of the league will be soon, too.

Need an intro? Here you go:

Stats: 6'5", 250 lbs

Pastimes: Making local kids' wishes come true.

Karaoke Song: I’ve Got Friends in Low Places

He’s cute, but Garth Brooks? What else ya got?

All right, so his karaoke song is a little outdated. But Josh is a great guy. He’s polite, respectful, and he demands respect from his teammates. (Though he’s a little dry in interviews–still working on getting the personality to translate into soundbites.) On the field Josh has led 7 come-from-behind wins already in his second season, and in this week’s Seahawks game alone, Freeman threw for 5 touchdowns.

Ok, I’m sold! Josh Freeman is ten times the man that Jay Cutler will ever be. So, does he have a girlfriend?

According to the interwebs, Freeman is, indeed, taken. Gossip reports say that Freeman found one of the more “famous” Tampa residents to date, Devyn Simone of The Real World: Brooklyn fame.

First of all, wasn’t Devyn engaged to one guy while she was openly dating another? On camera?

Second, certain FifG bloggers live the real world: Brooklyn every day, and are constantly doing incredibly sexy things like trudging through 2-foot deep snow and eating cookie dough for dinner. Ahem.

Just FYI, Josh.

Aaaaaand we’re back.

Ok, so clearly it has been a very, very long time since I’ve posted regularly, but times, they are a changin’.

Here’s why:

1) The Bucs’ season is over, meaning fewer posting duties at Chicks in the Huddle. However, if you are excited to read all about the Bucs season that was (and of course you are excited to read about a team of losers), please see my zillion, trillion posts–each one more informative than the next–here. And if you happen to be a fan of a team that’s still in the playoffs, there’s lots of great stuff on the site to check out.

2) I am feeling slightly better. Or, I will be feeling better in approximately 4 months, and the idea that I will feel better makes me feel better. Turns out, asthma bestowed itself upon me a few months ago. I didn’t even know a person could get asthma as a grown-up. Also? When people talk about how they have asthma and can’t breathe, they mean like all the time they can’t breathe and not just when standing in a smoky room or when climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro (like Jessica Biel) (whom I don’t think has asthma). So, basically, don’t get asthma. Or if you do, sign up for allergy shots, because those will make you feel better in about 4 months probably, I hope.

3) American Idol is starting again soon. Yay! But I’m totally not starting to write about it until after auditions. Auditions are dumb. (Very quickly, though, why is Kute Kris Allen’s music so dull? I totally thought I would buy his CD, but man, the couple of songs I’ve heard are yawn-cubed.)

4) It’s playoff time, so everyone gets to care about teams that they don’t care about. For instance, I care about the Saints now. And also the Colts. That is my dream Super Bowl. The one I dread most, as I think I’ve mentioned, is Chargers vs. Eagles. So expect to see that happen.

Super Bowl Preview in FifG's Anti-Perfect World.

End Note: I haven’t posted regularly this season, and yet I’ve had 20,000 views since September–mostly people looking to find out who Jay Cutler’s girlfriend is. (Joke’s on them, since I don’t know…) I’m guessing my views will nosedive once I start writing more (karma for pretending to know about Jay’s social life?), but thanks to anyone who’s checked out the site this season!

FifG Game of the Week: Bucs vs. Patriots

Tampa Bay Bucs [0-6] vs. New England Patriots [4-2] (Sunday 1:00 p.m., CBS)

Ok, so it’s not really the Game of the Week. In fact, it will likely be a terrible game. But! The game is in London! And FifG is heading to Paris tonight! So it’s proximity to me qualifies it for the honor.

Want to learn more about the awfulness that will be going down in this game? Read my Chicks in the Huddle post here.

Want a souvenir from Europe? Tell me in the comments section. (None of my friends want souvenirs, which I get since souvenirs tend to be kind of lame, but I am so happy to be traveling to a souvenir-friendly place that I will probably end up forcing some Eiffel Tower figurine or bronzed Belgian waffle on all of them. Be forewarned, friends.)

Weekly Wrap-Up

Ok, not weekly really, but daily.

The Bucs just fired coach Jon Gruden. I, as a Bucs fan, am shocked.

I wanted them to fire Gruden, honestly, but I am shocked.

It’s like Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. They got married and everyone was like, WHA? He’s gay, right?! She’s not famous enough, right?! This is doomed, right?!

And then throughout their marriage everyone was like, This is a sham, right?! This is fake, right?! They’re totally going to break up, right?!

But then they got divorced, and everyone was shocked.

Same thing, sort of. Though I was never really down on Gruden, I do think it wouldn’t hurt right now for the team to get a fresh start. Hmm.

Ok, I would write more, but I have to watch the Bucs news conference on ESPN-News in like 2 minutes.

From "The Onion" circa 2001. Stuff about Nicole aging is kind of ironic, huh?

Weekly Wrap-Up

This is the time of year when you either have a really good football week or a really bad one. Personally, I had a really bad one. The Bucs officially lost their final four games (I was a realist! Not a pessimist!), and managed to become the first team in 15 years to start 9-3 and then miss the playoffs. 

Which would probably have been a bigger story in national football news, if not for:

• The Detroit Lions. They did, in fact, manage to lose every game this season. 0-16. Ouch. I wonder if Lions fans are completely depressed about this, or if they went numb somewhere around 0-12. 
• The Dallas Cowboys. They lost in bold fashion to the Philadelphia Eagles (final score: 44-6), which doesn’t exactly help the locker room drama, I’m sure. Word is coach Wade Philips is something of a softy, so we’ll see if he’s able to reign in two loudmouth receivers. My guess is maybe not. And Tony Romo is starting to look like a pretty good at time QB who just happens to have dimples and date famous blondes. Cowboys fans have to be at least a little scared for next season, no?
• The New York Jets. They lost, and they missed the playoffs. Their coach, Eric Mangini, has been fired, though a couple of years ago he was “Mangenius.” Brett Favre might return, but he’s old, so should he? I vote no. I’m guessing he will, too, unless the Jets hire some phenomenal new coach.

So there you go, all these big-market teams have taken the spotlight from my ramshackle bunch of losers (said with love, guys!), which is maybe a good thing. Though I feel like the Bucs deserve some recognition for just how historically they fell apart.

Some quick facts to bandy about at your New Year’s Party:

• Fired coaches: Cleveland Browns’ Romeo Crennel, NY Jets’ Eric Mangini, Detroit Lions Rod Marinelli, Denver Broncos’ Mike Shanahan (after 14 years! Shocking!)
• Returning for sure: Buffalo Bills’ Dick Jauron, San Francisco 49ers’ Mike Singletary, Dallas Cowboys’ Wade Philips (or so Jerry Jones says right now)
• The 11-5 Miami Dolphins are heading to the playoffs this year after winning only one game all of last season. Their new coach is named Tony Sporano. Mob connections? Or was it just Chad Pennington (aka prime husband material), playing big to heal the wound of being dumped by the Jets in favor of Brett Favre?
• Two rookie QB/rookie coach tandems have made the playoffs: Joe Flacco/John Harbaugh in Baltimore, and Matt Ryan/Mike Smith in Atlanta. I don’t know what it is that helped Atlanta so much, but I’m guessing Baltimore’s luck had something to do with one Michael Phelps. 

Everyone should make a resolution to use at least one of these facts at a new year’s party tonight. So much easier than planning to lose 20 pounds or stop smoking!

(For the record, my resolution this year, as it’s been every year for the past 5 years, is to drink more water. Sixth time is the charm, I hear.)

I hope everyone has a very happy, healthy 2009!!

FifG Game of the Week: Tampa Bay Bucs vs. Chicago Bears

Tampa Bay Buccaneers [1-1] vs. Chicago Bears [1-1] (Sunday 1:00 p.m., local Fox affiliates)

Why it’s good football: Eh, who am I kidding. It’s not really good football except for the fact that I’m a huge Bucs fan, and I have a feeling they are going to be really bad this year, so why not feature them when they’ve won 50% of their games?

Why you might care:

Maybe you live in Tampa or Chicago? Or um…

Ok, how about this: Bucs’ coach Jon Gruden was once one of People’s Most Beautiful People! And he’s captured by camera crews on the sideline all the time. Granted, he’s gotten older and gained some weight, but his beauty shines through.

Also, people say he looks like Chuckie from the horror movies. And he cusses and everything. So you can make it a game. Like, how many curse words can you see Chuckie mouthing? Considering how bad this team might be, your score could be through the roof!

Football is just like Pop Culture!

Ok, so let’s call the Bucs The Hills, and let’s call Jon Gruden Lauren.

So Lauren has this great house that she shares with Lo. They get along so well, because they are best friends forever and have this mutual admiration society going, and Lauren’s designing more expensive drapey jersey dresses than ever, and they are so happy, happy, happy. Well then Audrina decides she needs somewhere to live, and Lauren decides, oh, this would be even better. (I know, I know, this isn’t how it happened, but bear with me.) Because Lauren knows that Audrina will get her even more press, because the paparazzi love Audrina and her new fake boobs and her non-threatening glassy smile, and this will score major attention for Lauren’s clothing line and possibly up her asking price for episodes of The Hills and everything. So Lauren works to convince Audrina that she should take Lo’s room and that she would be so happy living in her house and that they could have tons of pool parties and get ready for trips to Les Deux together every night. And Audrina is like, yeah! That’d be cool! But then Justin Bobby tells her that he won’t let her live with Lauren, so she goes to live with Stephanie Pratt instead.

Well, now how do you think Lo feels? She knows Lauren wanted Audrina more, and darn it if Lo isn’t one of the pissiest gals on TV. But she’s also savvy. So, yes, she’s going to keep living with Lauren and pretend to be happy about it, but she’s going to roll her eyes all the heck over that house for the next year.

So here’s where Gruden’s at. He’s got Jeff Garcia (Lo) as his QB when he spent the offseason trying to get Brett Favre. (I’d used Audrina as his stand-in, but really there is no character in The Hills that would equal a Favre. Maybe Audrina times a zillion?) Anyway, Garcia is all angry about the offseason, and Gruden is all angry about Garcia being angry, so now a guy named Brian Griese is playing. There are rumors that he’s battled alcoholism, too, so I wonder who he would be. Lauren’s old boyfriend Jason? Is that libelous? Who is a self-professed alcoholic?

Anyway, lots of drama! Good stuff.

Cute football player(s) of the week:

Sabby Piscatelli. He’s a Buc.

And Brian Urlacher, a Bear.

Boyfriend/Husband/Dad/Other will be so impressed!

Conversation Starters:

-Matt Forté looks like he’s going to have a breakthrough season as a rookie. It will be interesting to see if his legs outlast Adrian Peterson’s in the division, no? Peterson seems to be banged up pretty easily.

-How do you feel about the end of the Rex Grossman era in Chicago?

-Joey Galloway is a great player, but the dude’s old. If he doesn’t last the season, who will be Bucs have at receiver?

Fun Fact:

-Between the 2006 and 2007 seasons, Devin Hester has returned a total of 4 kickoffs and 7 punts for touchdowns. (Though he likely won’t play in this game due to injury.)

Player Pronunciation:

Matt Forté (CHI): mat fawr-tey

Brian Griese (TB): brahy-uhn gree-see