Cute Football Player of the Week: The Tradees

In discussing the recent Brady Quinn/Peyton Hillis trade, a Denver friend insisted that that the Broncos got the best (read: cutest) player on the field. But, um, Peyton Hillis? Anyone?

So, with that in mind, I thought we should delve into a major recent trade that sent Philadelphia Eagles QB Donovan McNabb to the division-rival Washington Redskins.

Technically, this was not a player-for-player trade (the Eagles received draft picks instead). But the reason this trade went down is because Andy Reid and the bald-birds thought that their QB-in-waiting, Kevin Kolb, was ready to lead the team.

Some say that McNabb was traded within the division as a sign of respect for his career in Philly because Reid wanted him to go to a team that could contend for the Super Bowl . Others (myself included) think that trading a player within-division can only mean that Reid no longer sees McNabb as a threat, and is all like, Hey! You think you can beat us twice a year? Give it a try, man!

Anyhoo, it’s not FifG’s job to tell you whom the better QB will be this year (that, my friends, is the job of a man named Father Time), but it is FifG’s job to tell you who’s cuter. Or to give you photographic evidence so that you may decide.

So here you go:

Aww, come on. You all know Donovan.

Not gonna lie, it's really hard to find a good picture of Mr. Kolb.

FifG’s vote goes easily to McNabb. Because now that he’s not an Eagle, I don’t have to hate him.

Oh, also, according to a website for his college team, here’s the pronunciation of Kevin Kolb’s name:
Kevin Kolb: keh-vin kahb
(Sounds like: corn on the cobb.)

Weekly Wrap-Up

Today was the first snow of the year. I love the first snow. I tend to hate every snow thereafter, but the first is wonderful. Especially when you remember to wear your boots in the morning, which I did.

That is the good news.

The bad news is the Bucs lost this weekend. Again. Miserably. I won’t go into it too much, but rest assured my hope is floating for next year already. Granted, the Bucs will make the playoffs if they win their last two games, but I just don’t see that happening. Clearly my hope is sunk for this season. I’m either a pessimist or a realist. I’ll let you know in a couple of weeks.

Here’s what else happened in football:

• The Cowboys won the Game of the Week. Surprising! Especially considering all of the in-fighting that went on before the game started. The announcers kept saying that winning will solve any problem, but I’m just not so sure those guys can pull it together with all of the ego fragility going on in Dallas. But who knows? Never say never.
• As for the Giants, two losses in a row at the end of the season is not a great sign for their Super Bowl aspirations. Is the loss of Plaxico going to keep them from a second trip to the Super Bowl? The game this Sunday night against the Carolina Panther will be huge. The Panthers are hitting their stride at just the right time, and if they beat the Giants they just might end up the NFC’s number one team in the playoffs. Game of the Week? Potentially, but maybe it’s too repetitive. Are there any Giants left whose name need pronunciation keys? I doubt it. Then again, everyone loves the NFC East.
• Tennessee has been losing, too. Bad timing, folks. You’re supposed to start winning at the end of the season. Remember?
• The Redskins’ coach is having self-esteem issues. Maybe he needs a hug. (Though perhaps fans in the DC area would disagree.)
• Despite the loss of his father earlier in the week, Matt Cassel led his team to a win. To put it mildly. Very cool for him.

And this has nothing to do with football:

• My friend and I got coffee this evening, and the (sorta kooky) lady sitting next to us asked if one or both of us was in love because, she claimed, it sounded like we were. (I blame my obnoxiously loud laugh for that.) She told us she was about to ask us what kind of shoes “he” likes to wear, because she was so sure there was a special “he” to ask about. Then she told us a story about how when she was in college she was in love, or her friend was in love, or maybe it was a friend of a friend, and she and her friends went to the lover boy’s dorm and saw his shoes outside his dorm room, and they immediately left. Because they didn’t like the shoes, I think. Or maybe because they liked the shoes too much? I couldn’t really follow. But I do know that she said you can tell a person’s quality by the amount of wear and tear on the shoes and whether they walk on their heels or the sides of their feet. I didn’t think to ask her which one is better. Shoot. Maybe the ideal man is flat-footed?

Also, it snowed today!

 

It took me like 7 tries to take this picture without the lightpost snowflake lights blurring.

This one is artistic. You can see the snowflakes in the light! Sorta.

 

Ok, so there's not that much snow yet.

FifG Game of the Week: Tampa Bay Bucs vs. Carolina Panthers

Tampa Bay Bucs [9-3] vs. Carolina Panthers [9-3] (Monday 9:00 p.m., ESPN)

Why it’s good football:The playoffs are nigh, and the NFC South is still up for grabs. Who cares about the NFC South, you ask? The NFC East is way more interesting and exciting, you say? Well, the Giants basically have the number one seed in the NFC covered, and there’s really no way the Cowboys or Redskins or (ahem) Eagles are going to be able to take that away. The NFC South? There are still three teams with a legitimate shot of winning the division. Three good teams. Who could be the second seed in the playoffs. And currently the Bucs and Panthers are the teams on top, with tied records, and a season-so-far record of Bucs 1, Panthers 0.

Why you might care:

Because you are so devoted to this blog and this blogger’s happiness, which will be helped entirely much by a Bucs’ win this Monday.

Also, you will really impress football types if you tell people you prefer a defense-heavy game. Because most people prefer to watch lots of touchdowns scored. By the offense. You may not see that much this game.

Football is just like Pop Culture!

Remember when Felicity followed Ben to New York to attend the University of New York, even though she was on course to attend Stanford as a pre-med? Me too. Man, I loved that show.

Annnyway, here was this girl who was clearly the prettiest nerd ever in the history of the world, but despite the fact that she was probably cuter than the rest of the girls in her class, she was virtually ignored by everyone. And it was kind of believable that she would be ignored, honestly, because college frosh Felicity wore all those enormous sweaters and those corduroy pants that were five sizes too big, and she put her awesome curly hair up in a pony tail, and she stayed home and studied, and she was oddly intense and kind of socially stupid, honestly. Of course, the people who lived in her dorm knew that Felicity was awesome, and R.A. Noel fell in love with her almost off the bat because he saw beyond those woolen sweaters–in a figurative sense, but also that one time when he accidentally walked in on her in her night shirt.

But then, as Felicity became more independent and started embracing New York life, she began dressing nicer and leaving her hair down and wearing tank tops. And then the hot artist came out of the woodwork, and then Ben started pursuing her, and then basically every male character in the show decided that he had to have Felicity. Which at first was like, wait, what?! Like it would ever happen in real life that every guy would want her all of a sudden! And then you start to think about how, oh yeah, she’s beautiful and smart and an artist, apparently, and not socially anxious anymore, and then it’s completely realistic and you have to just say, you know, good for Felicity for coming into her own.

So this is the Bucs’ and the Panthers’ chance to show that even though the national press has been ignoring them in favor of the glossier, more touchdown-scoring NFC East lo these many months, they really are hot enough for everyone to want to sleep with them. Or, um… Well, one of the teams should be up for some more good press as of Tuesday morning.

This Felicity was less popular...

...than this one.

Boyfriend/Husband/Dad/Other will be so impressed!

Conversation Starters:

-Who do you think is more likely to have three teams in the playoffs: the NFC East of the NFC South?

-I thought Jonathan Stewart would be Carolina’s main running back this year, but DeAngelo Williams has had quite a year, no?

(For the record, I have Jonathan Stewart on my fantasy team. Not that I’m bitter.)

Fast Fact:

-Carolina’s Julius Peppers was named November’s NFC Defensive Player of the Month and has had 11 sacks already this year, after managing only 2.5 sacks last season.

-Tampa’s Clifton Smith was named the NFC’s Special Teams Player of the Month for November for his 11 punt returns for 199 yards and one touchdown and 16 kickoff returns for 498 yards and one touchdown. It took the Bucs more than 30 years to get a single kickoff return for a touchdown, and Smith registered the second this year.

Player Pronunciation:

Barrett Ruud (TAM): bair-uht rōōd
Jake Delhomme (CAR): jayk del-awm

Cute football players of the week:

Barrett Ruud, Tampa Bay, Inside Linebacker (Vote for him for the Pro Bowl at nfl.com!)

Barrett deserves solo honors this week.

FifG Game of the Week: Washington Redskins vs. Philadelphia Eagles

Washington Redskins [3-1] vs. Philadelphia Eagles [2-2] (Monday 1:00 p.m., FOX)

Why it’s good football: Both teams are part of the NFC East, easily the best division in football at the moment. And yes, the Eagles have already been a part of the Game of the Week excitement, but games featuring an NFC East face-off may be hard to resist hawking on this site for the rest of the year. So get used to it. Anyway, the Redskins have been the least consistent team of the division in recent years (the Dallas Cowboys and Super Bowl champion NY Giants round out the group), but they’ve pulled off some impressive wins already this year. Case in point: last week’s tromping of the Cowboys, the team most experts had saddled with the “best team in football” label.

Why you might care:

Both the Redskins and the Eagles are storied franchises with large fan bases, so if you decide to become a fan of either team, you’ll have a built-in community. Not sure who to side with?

Redskins Fans: The famous Hogettes are Redskins fans, so if you have a thing for swine, this might just be your team! Must be comfortable embracing fairly racist team name and group chanting. Those who are not Redskins fans tend to really dislike those who are, so if you are feint of heart this might not be the team for you.

The Hogettes and Jay Leno. I will not make a derisive Leno joke. Because I have supreme self-control.

Eagles Fans: Then again, if it’s between the Redskins and the Eagles, maybe the tenderhearts should choose the ‘Skins after all. Eagles fans are notoriously, um, of lesser pleasantness? The old Veterans’ Stadium had the league’s only prison. To the fans’ credit, though, the new Lincoln Financial Field’s prison was closed after a couple of years due to the fans’ good behavior. And, now that I think about it, maybe you want to be on the same side as the more aggressive folks because then they are less likely to hurt you.

Football is just like Pop Culture!

Or in this case, football is pop culture. Washington Redskin (and former Miami Dolphin) Jason Taylor was on Dancing with the Stars! I think he came in second place to Kristy Yamaguchi. (But I’m more of a So You Think You Can Dance girl myself, so I’m not 100% sure on this.)

Jason won’t be playing this week because he’s hurt, but thankfully his injury did not turn out to be career-threatening.

Also, Jason married the sister of his old Dolphins teammate and best friend Zach Thomas. Isn’t that cute? I’ve always found that charming.

Here’s Jason dancing. With the stars.

Boyfriend/Husband/Dad/Other will be so impressed!

Conversation Starters:

-Do you think DeSean Jackson may be the offensive rookie of the year? His skills at wide receiver are impressive! Eddie Royal in Denver is a great receiver, too, though.

-What’s Brian Westbrook’s injury going to do to the fantasy leagues? Did you have him on your team?

Fun Fact:

-Jason Taylor was inactive last week at Dallas, which ended his consecutive game streak at 133 games. He hadn’t missed a game since 1999. (ESPN)

Player Pronunciation:

Antoine Randle El (WSH): an-twahn ran-dl el

DeSean Jackson (PHI): de-shawn jak-suhn

Cute football player(s) of the week:

A Chris-themed week.

Chris Gocong, Philadelphia Eagles Linebacker, and Chris Cooley, Washington Redskins Tight End

Chris Gocong with random children.

Another picture of Chris G., for good measure.

Cooley. Look, I'm not making a Tight End joke, either!

Monday MELF

Welcome back for week two of Monday MELF. This week let’s tackle the AFC East.

Married: Chad Pennington, Miami Dolphins

He's like The Thinker but with more developed forearms.

In my opinion, Chad’s one of the most marriageable QBs in the NFL. He’s got all of the typical QB traits–ambition, athleticism, leadershipability–plus he’s an intellectual. That’s right, Chad was once a runner up for the Rhodes Scholarship. Don’t believe me? Watch any Dolphins game this year. The announcers are likely to mention this fact about 37 times. And Chad just seems like a nice, happy person who tries really hard in life. Nice, happy, smart, hard-working athletic people are some of the best kind to spend your life with, I hear.

Enemies: Brett Favre, New York Jets

Eh, should've thought of that before you jilted the Bucs.

I know many will disagree with this one. Yes, he’s aged nearly as well as Clooney, and he’s rich, and enthusiastic. and has a cute twang, but he ruined my team this year. Enemy.

Lovers: Trent Edwards, Buffalo Bills

I just saw his picture for the first time this week. Cute. He’s probably smart, too, because he went to Stanford. But I don’t suppose that really matters in this case.

Everyone, this is Trent. Trent, this is everyone.

Hey, friend! Helmet goes the other way.

Friends: Matt Cassel, New England Patriots

If Tom Brady was still playing QB today’s MELF board would probably look different. However, Matt’s the guy now, and taking the reigns of a team that’s supposed to be undefeated from a Hall of Fame-ready, model dating stud can’t be easy. Add to that the fact that Matt led the Pats to a humiliating loss this week at the hands of a team that only won a single game last year. Man needs some friends.

Monday MELF

As a preteen, my friends and I used to play the FLAME game.

The rules were mildly convoluted, but the point of the game was to figure out if you and the boy you liked were destined to be:

Friends

Lovers

Alimony (aka Divorced)

Married

Enemies

Now, granted 12 year olds should maybe not be interested in finding a lover. And, yes, the game creator clearly couldn’t think of anything better for the letter A. However, I thought this might be a fun game to apply to the league’s QBs.

I thought I’d break the candidates down by division, and since there are only four teams apiece, I’ve decided to drop Alimony. I think E for enemies covers that one anyway. Also, since I thought of this on a Monday, I’m moving the M and renaming the game Monday MELF. Could I just post this Friday and keep its rightful name? Yes! But I’m not going to.

Also, consider this interactive, and if you disagree with my choices, post away in the comments. (Because 21 people read this blog yesterday, so clearly my readership is growing like gangbusters.)

In honor of the FifG Game of the week, today we’ll start things off with the

NFC EAST

Married–Donovan McNabb, Philadelphia Eagles

Donovan had a rough year last year, but when he’s on his game, he smiles a lot, makes jokes, and generally seems like a happy guy. It’s key to marry someone who makes you laugh. Plus, he comes across as intelligent in interviews. And when he vomits on the field during the Super Bowl, he’ll need someone to give him a hug and make him feel better. Vulnerable and tough. A winning combo!

Also, he’s very close to his mom (see: Campbell’s soup ads), which can be a good measure of his respect for the female gender. However, if he he is too close to his mom he’d likely end up in the now-defunct Alimony category.

Donovan gets a kick out of marriage!

Ugh! You don't even know me!

Enemies–Jason Campbell, Washington Redskins

He’d probably be really angry at me for knowing nothing about him at all.

Lovers–Tony Romo, Dallas Cowboys

Tony received the first weekly Cute Football Player honor on Friday, and that alone qualifies him for the category. I also noted the fact that he seems to have a penchant for shiny-haired, singing blonds, which would leave my non-singing, brunette self out of the running for a long term relationship, but then, who wants to commit to someone that can remain fascinated by Jessica Simpson for 6 months? (Man, this blog is hard on Jessica Simpson. Sorry, Jessica!)

Not quite ready for a commitment.

Friends–Eli Manning, New York Giants

Now can I be your friend?

Eli has been starring in lots of commercials with and without his brother lately, thanks to last year’s Super Bowl win as much as his lineage of football royalty. And, you know what? He’s getting funnier! Funny enough that you’d want to hang out with him, eat some pizza, laugh about how funny his brother was on Saturday Night Live, and then go back to Donovan and be all like, You know? Eli is really coming into his own. And then Donovan would be like, That’s what my mama said, too. And then you’d be all, What does your mom have to do with this? Can we have a conversation without mentioning your mom? And he’d be like, My mom has more class in her little pinky than…

Anyway, if you’re friends with Eli you’d probably get to meet Peyton.