Cute Football Player of the Week: Mark Sanchez

Ok, so Mark’s been featured on this site before, but this was another special request, so here he is: Mark Sanchez, rookie QB for the New York Jets.

Mark Sanchez was recently featured in the June issue of GQ. Wearing little swim shorts. It’s worth a mention. And a look…

Weekly Wrap-Up

This is the time of year when you either have a really good football week or a really bad one. Personally, I had a really bad one. The Bucs officially lost their final four games (I was a realist! Not a pessimist!), and managed to become the first team in 15 years to start 9-3 and then miss the playoffs. 

Which would probably have been a bigger story in national football news, if not for:

• The Detroit Lions. They did, in fact, manage to lose every game this season. 0-16. Ouch. I wonder if Lions fans are completely depressed about this, or if they went numb somewhere around 0-12. 
• The Dallas Cowboys. They lost in bold fashion to the Philadelphia Eagles (final score: 44-6), which doesn’t exactly help the locker room drama, I’m sure. Word is coach Wade Philips is something of a softy, so we’ll see if he’s able to reign in two loudmouth receivers. My guess is maybe not. And Tony Romo is starting to look like a pretty good at time QB who just happens to have dimples and date famous blondes. Cowboys fans have to be at least a little scared for next season, no?
• The New York Jets. They lost, and they missed the playoffs. Their coach, Eric Mangini, has been fired, though a couple of years ago he was “Mangenius.” Brett Favre might return, but he’s old, so should he? I vote no. I’m guessing he will, too, unless the Jets hire some phenomenal new coach.

So there you go, all these big-market teams have taken the spotlight from my ramshackle bunch of losers (said with love, guys!), which is maybe a good thing. Though I feel like the Bucs deserve some recognition for just how historically they fell apart.

Some quick facts to bandy about at your New Year’s Party:

• Fired coaches: Cleveland Browns’ Romeo Crennel, NY Jets’ Eric Mangini, Detroit Lions Rod Marinelli, Denver Broncos’ Mike Shanahan (after 14 years! Shocking!)
• Returning for sure: Buffalo Bills’ Dick Jauron, San Francisco 49ers’ Mike Singletary, Dallas Cowboys’ Wade Philips (or so Jerry Jones says right now)
• The 11-5 Miami Dolphins are heading to the playoffs this year after winning only one game all of last season. Their new coach is named Tony Sporano. Mob connections? Or was it just Chad Pennington (aka prime husband material), playing big to heal the wound of being dumped by the Jets in favor of Brett Favre?
• Two rookie QB/rookie coach tandems have made the playoffs: Joe Flacco/John Harbaugh in Baltimore, and Matt Ryan/Mike Smith in Atlanta. I don’t know what it is that helped Atlanta so much, but I’m guessing Baltimore’s luck had something to do with one Michael Phelps. 

Everyone should make a resolution to use at least one of these facts at a new year’s party tonight. So much easier than planning to lose 20 pounds or stop smoking!

(For the record, my resolution this year, as it’s been every year for the past 5 years, is to drink more water. Sixth time is the charm, I hear.)

I hope everyone has a very happy, healthy 2009!!

FifG Games of the Week

Ok, it’s the last week of regular season, and so it’s virtually impossible to choose a single game this time. So here are a few important games with limited pop culture analogizing, because I’m suffering from post-holiday sugar overload, and it’s had the unfortunate effect of rendering my brain uncreative.

Miami Dolphins (10-5)  vs. New York Jets (9-6) [Sunday 4:15 p.m., CBS]

Why it’s good football: It’s Brett Favre vs. the man that was kicked out in favor of Brett Favre (i.e. husband material Chad Pennington) for the chance to win the AFC East and head to the playoffs. If the Jets lose the game, coach Eric Mangini might lose his job, and Brett Favre might retire after a non-playoff season. Which would make unretiring seem pretty dumb.

Chad looks manly in teal.

Denver Broncos (8-7) vs. San Diego Chargers (7-8) [Sunday 8:15, NBC]

Husband/boyfriend/father will be so impressed: Well, watch this one to potentially find out which team with single-digit wins makes it to the playoffs over a Patriots team with 11 wins. (That is, if the Patriots both win and miss the playoffs, which is a real possibility.) Then, if they decide to change playoff rules in the offseason to not allow any team to enter the playoffs with fewer than 10 wins, even if they win whatever crappy division to which they belong, and you are watching a football game in a bar or amongst many manly friends in years to come, you can say, “Oh yeah, remember back in ’08 when the Broncos/Chargers made the playoffs over the Patriots? That’s totally when the rules changed. It was in-sane.” And you will WOW everyone in the room.

Put money in thy purse.

(Can we call that the pop culture reference for the day? It’s from Othello. We watched the BBC version in high school, and Bob Hoskins played Iago, and I loved how he said that line like a zillion times because his accent is kind of silly. Also, Anthony Hopkins played Othello, which probably wouldn’t happen nowadays. This is Kenneth Branagh as Iago, because I can’t find Bob’s version online.)

Oh yeah, speaking of the Pats, Tom and Gisele are engaged. Remember him?

Dallas Cowboys (9-6)  vs. Philadelphia Eagles (8-6-1) [Sunday 4:15 p.m., FOX]

Guess what? Now T.O. thinks his fellow wide receiver Roy Williams is also not getting the ball enough. So much for one big happy family. I don’t even think I have a comparable Shannen Doherty reference to this one, except that maybe Shannen used to pull Tori Spelling into her web of craziness when Tori was young, because she didn’t know any better. But Roy Williams is a grown man, so that doesn’t really work.

Unfortunately, the Eagles may not have a reason to play to win at 4:15 as they may, at that point, be mathematically eliminated from the playoffs. So the Game of the Week-ness of this one is based more on the 1:00 Bucs vs. Raiders game (Bucs win, this game will likely be a snoozefest). BUT if T.O. and friends unleash the crazy, who knows. Come for the football, stay for the crazy!

If Roy tires of the crazy Cowboys, he can do Crest commercials.

Detroit Lions (0-15)  vs. Green Bay Packers (5-10) [Sunday 1:00 p.m., FOX]

Fun Fact: The Detroit Lions could become the first team in NFL history to go 0-16! The 1976 expansion Tampa Bay Bucs are the only other team to be completely defeatedful/prodefeated/unfeated, but there were only 14 games in a season at the time, so the Lions have the chance to step things up a bit. Or down, actually. Poor Detroit. Here’s a nice article on how the team is sort of mirroring the city in misery.

Cute Player:

Calvin Johnson, Detroit Lions, Wide Receiver

Look, he's cute AND he's a good player!

AND he has nice arm muscles. Go Lions!

Weekly Wrap-Up

Hello, everybody.

It’s almost Thanksgiving, the most football-friendly holiday of all and my own personal favorite of the year. Hooray! And the wrap-up:

• The Titans/Jets game was exciting as predicted. Ok, so the Jets won by a mile, but fact is there are no more undefeated teams in the league, and the 1972 Dolphins can keep their place in history as the only undefeated team. However, the Detroit Lions also did not win–though there must have been a million pundits predicting the Bucs would lose that game (thanks, guys)–so they are well on their way to tying the 1976 Bucs’ record of not winning a single game. Well played, boys!
• After the Giants beat the really pretty good Arizona Cardinals this weekend, there is talk all over the NY media about a potential Jets/Giants matchup in the Super Bowl. Would the rest of the country care about that, or would that just be a NY/New Jersey thing?
• Speaking of the Cardinals, can they throw the stupid ball to Larry Fitzgerald? He’s on my fantasy team, and I’m happy that they have three high performing receivers (along with Anquan Boldin and Steve Breaston), but Fitzgerald never catches touchdowns anymore. And I’m totally losing!
• Even though I grew up in Florida, I’m going to Vermont tonight for Thanksgiving. It’s cold in NY, but it’s colder in Vermont and it’s supposed to be snowing the whole time. I am not thrilled with my family’s decision on this one. I guess I should be thankful for the gathering itself, though. Sigh. I’ll just stay inside and drink lots of hot chocolate.
• Brady Quinn just got called up to start QB’ing the Browns, but now it seems he’s out for the year. That was fast.
• Happy Thanksgiving!

At least Vermont is pretty!

FifG Game of the Week: New York Jets v. Tennessee Titans

New York Jets [7-3] vs. Tennessee Titans [11-0] (Sunday 1:00 p.m., CBS)

Why it’s good football:

The Titans are playing great football, despite the fact that they are led by an old man of a quarterback and that they have few big name players. They’re just winning every game they play.

For the Jets, a win here would be a great way to start cementing a playoff spot in a weakened post-Brady AFC East division.

Why you might care:

Brett Favre is playing, and I know you all love him.

Plus, the Tennessee Titans are undefeated, and it’s always fun to watch undefeated teams this late in the season. People tend to fall in one of two camps: 1) those cheering for a clean sweep (a group that probably consists of 99.9% Titans fans and then maybe a few sports history lovers), and 2) those that are cheering for the Titans to lose (people who wish others to fail so that they can feel better about themselves, people who root for the underdog, people who were fans of the only unbeaten team in NFL history, the 1972 Miami Dolphins, members of that same dolphins team… Basically everyone.)

Football is just like Pop Culture!

With Twilight coming out this weekend (and, no, I’m not going to watch it this weekend), I’ll break this game down Stephenie Meyer style.

In the book, Edward (the vampire) and Jacob (the werewolf–i mean, oops, the non-monster if you’ve only read Book 1) fight for Bella’s heart. Edward is handsome and devoted and madly in love with Bella, but he’s overprotective and a little creepy. Jacob is fun, friendly, and madly in love with Bella, but he’s not Edward.

In this game, Brett Favre is the Edward. He’s handsome and charismatic and everyone loves to watch him play, and he’s captured the football fandom like Edward captured Bella’s heart–nearly immediately and whole-heartedly. Then there’s Tennessee QB Kerry Collins. He’s an old guy, which isn’t like Jacob at all, but here he is, always in the league, always there for his team, just solid and stable and winning those games.

I happen to be on Team Edward.

Boyfriend/Husband/Dad/Other will be so impressed!

Conversation Starters:

-So, do you think the Titans will win out? How much would that kill last year’s Patriots? [And Tiffani has a good point--you definitely want to lose early rather than losing in the Super Bowl! That had to hurt...]

-Who do you think will win the AFC East this year? Who knew it would be up for grabs this late in the year–and that the Jets and Dolphins would be in the hunt!

Player Pronunciation:

Alge Crumpler (TEN): al-jee krump-lehr
Lavernues Coles (NYJ): lah-vehr-nee-us kohlz

Cute football players of the week:

Jevon Kearse, Tennessee Titans, Defensive Lineman

Jay Feely, New York Jets, Kicker

Jevon Kearse prays for a shirt.

How does that stretch feely?

FifG Game of the Week: New York Jets vs. Buffalo Bills

New York Jets [4-3] vs. Buffalo Bills [5-2] (Sunday 1:00 p.m., CBS)

Why it’s good football:

It’s a division battle in an up-for-grabs AFC East. The Bills, whose record matches that of the New England Patriots, are coming off of a division loss to the Miami Dolphins. This should drive them to compete even harder, though they are dealing with a bunch of injuries. The Jets would like to stay in the competition to win the division, as well, and this game would be a great step toward doing just that.

Why you might care:

Who can resist watching Brett Favre play? Ok, maybe you have until now, but the reason people like Brett so much (other than his cameo on There’s Something About Mary), is because he has a certain joy when he’s playing. He always seems to be having fun when he’s out on the field, and he tends to do jumping running hugs when he throws a touchdown. It’s charming.

Football is just like Pop Culture!

At the beginning of American Idol two seasons ago, it seemed clear that at the end of the season, the two singers standing would be Melinda and Lakisha, the two big-voiced “divas” of the competition. Lakisha fell out of favor fairly quickly due to some bad song choices (“That song was just a’ight for me”), so then the season’s trajectory became a matter of determining who would come in second place to Melinda. But then, Melinda’s Achilles Heel (knee?) showed early and she was voted off weeks before the finale. All of a sudden, we had to look at Jordin Sparks, Blake Lewis, and even Jason “Duuuuuude” Castro and figure out who was going to win this thing. The competitors realized, too, that it was anyone’s game, and they started pulling out the stops. Blake dyed his hair black–the color of serious rockers–and beat boxed his way through Bon Jovi week in an inspired performance. Jordin straightened her hair and sang serious songs about longing. Jason… well, Jason did his best to remember all of the lyrics despite his (presumably) significantly reduced number of brain cells. And he kept his dreds. Anyway, Jordin came away with the win.

How does this apply to the Bills vs. Jets? Well, the Pats were supposed to run away with the AFC East this year, but then Tom Brady got injured, and now it’s anybody’s division. And the teams are playing up to these new expectations. Even Miami, who won a single game last year, is pulling out all the stops with a bunch of crazy trick plays to win more games. And it’s working! They’ve already tripled last year’s wins.

Boyfriend/Husband/Dad/Other will be so impressed!

Conversation Starters:

-Do you think Brett Favre is happy he unretired from football to play with the Jets? [Favre was a Green Bay Packer for years, retired as a Packer, and then decided to come back to football. The Packers wouldn't take him back, so he was traded to the Jets.]

-The Bills are tied with the Patriots at the top of the AFC East. Do you think they can take the division this year?

Fun Facts:

-Lots of teams seem to be firing their coaches midseason this year (Rams, 49ers, Raiders), but this week the Bills have rewarded their coach, Dick Jauron, for their so-far successful season with a 3-year contract extension.

Player Pronunciation:

Kawika Mitchell (BUF): ka-vi-ka mi-chuhl

Chansi Stuckey (NYJ): chans-ee stuk-ee

Cute football player(s) of the week:

D’brickashaw Ferguson, OT, Jets (Mostly I think I like his name.)

Lee Evans, WR, Bills

D'brickashaw likes how he looks, too.

Lee Evans is sitting.

Action Lee.