Monday MELF: Conference Championship-Style

We’re going retro on FifG today–all the way back to September ’08 when I started this blog–to bring back the Monday MELF.

Here’s the deal (as previously posted):

As a preteen, my friends and I used to play the FLAME game.
The rules were mildly convoluted, but the point of the game was to figure out if you and the boy you liked were destined to be:
Friends
Lovers
Alimony (aka Divorced)
Married
Enemies

Now, granted, 12-year-olds should maybe not be interested in finding a lover. And, yes, the game creator clearly couldn’t think of anything better for the letter A. However, I thought this might be a fun game to apply to the league’s QBs…  I’ve decided to drop Alimony. I think E for enemies covers that one anyway. Also, since I thought of this on a Monday, I’m moving the M and renaming the game Monday MELF. Could I just post this Friday and keep its rightful name? Yes! But I’m not going to.

So there you have it. Now let’s try it with the four remaining playoff QBs (clockwise from left): Peyton Manning (Indianapols Colts), Mark Sanchez (NY Jets), Drew Brees (New Orleans Saints), and Brett Favre (Minnesota Vikings).

Married: Peyton Manning. When you’re thinking long term, you have to go with the funny guys. And Peyton Manning cracks me up. Plus, he’s one of the best QBs of all time, and with his commercials airing every 5 minutes, you know he has a viable career after football.

Enemies: Brett Favre. He strikes me as being a little narcissistic. Which is great, and maybe even necessary, in a competitor. But not for social time.

Lovers: Mark Sanchez. Duh.

Friends: Drew Brees. He seems like a friendly, easy-going guy, and he’s done a lot for the city of New Orleans. And who doesn’t like a charitable friend? Also, maybe he can introduce me to Alfonso Ribeiro.

How would you guys rank them?

Wild Card Weekend, Day 2: zzzzzzz

Theoretically, the playoffs are fun for everyone–whether your team made the postseason or not. But this weekend’s games are a snooze and three-fourths. Seriously. After like 5 minutes of each game it’s been entirely clear who would win. (Though, I suppose the Cardinals and Packers are still playing, so I cannot say that the Cardinals will win with 100% certainty.) 

Didn’t watch the game but need some grist for the water cooler mill? Here ya go:

Jets vs. Bengals:

The final score: Jets 24, Bengals 14
Fun facts:
-The Jets won with a rookie QB (Mark Sanchez) and a rookie head coach (Rex Ryan)
-There has been a 2-week twitter battle between Chad Ochocinco and Jets cornerback Darelle Revis. Ochocinco only had 2 catches for 28 yards, so apparently Revis won.
-The Bengals are currently enduring the league’s longest playoff-win drought.
Conversation Starters:
- What do you think about Sanchize winning his first playoff game? (You’ll sound totally inside baseball (er, football) on this one. Sanchize is Mark Sanchez’s nickname, because he is the franchise QB. Get it?)
-How sad are you for Ochocinco? Losing his buddy Chris Henry and then this game? Did you see him crying? (ED note: FifG’s official position on Ochocinco is that he is funny, and entertaining, and awesome for the game.)

FifG loves you.

 

Eagles vs. Cowboys:

The final score: Cowboys 34, Eagles 14
Fun facts:
-So much for Tony Romo’s Playoff Curse. This is the Cowboys’ first playoff win since 1996. 
-Michael Vick (Eagles QB/former dog-assaulter)completed the longest touchdown pass of his career in the game. It was a 76-yard pass to Jeremy Maclin.
Conversation Starters:
- Did the Romo’s new girlfriend de-curse him? (Guess they’ll have to get married. Sorry, Jessica.)

Chace Crawford and his sister, Tony Romo's girlfriend. (Sorry, I prefer photos of Chace to photos of Tony.)

 

Pats vs. Ravens:

The final score: Ravens 33, Pats 14
Fun facts:
-Tom Brady won the Comeback Player of the Year this year. But he didn’t come back that far, apparently. (Apologies to Friend Kevin, a huge Pats fan, for that. But I wanted someone else to win the Comeback award.)
-Baltimore rookie RB Ray Rice had 22 carries for an impressive 159 yards. 
-Julian Edelman (former Cute Player of the Week) had a good game, catching 2 touchdown passes. He filled in for injured Wes Welker (also a Cute Player of the Week!).
Conversation Starters:
- Do you think that was Wes Welker’s girlfriend sitting next to him in the press box of the game? 
- What happened to the Pats? Does this loss in any way tarnish their legacy as the team of the 2000′s?
-The heck did the Ravens come from? Think they can play spoiler again next week at Indy? 

Except for the whole sticking-the-tongue-out thing, this is a good picture of Julian, no?

 

Cardinals vs. Packers:

[UPDATE, 7:02 EST: Ok, it's not that boring.]
[UPDATE, 7:08 EST: Ok, it's exciting.]
The final score: Cardinals 7,029, Packers 10 (as predicted in the 3rd quarter of play)
Conversation Starters:
-Did you find this game incredibly dull, or are you a Cardinals fan? 
-I guess Aaron Rodgers won’t get to face Brett Favre for a third time this season to get a little vindication, eh? 
-How much do you like Larry Fitzgerald? I like him a bushel and a peck, myself.

 

FifG Game of the Week: New York Jets vs. Tennessee Titans

New York Jets [2-0] vs. Tennessee Titans [0-2] (Sunday 1:00 p.m., CBS)

Why it’s good football: Last year, the Jets defeated the Titans in a shocking upset of the then 10-0 Tennessee team. Perhaps more shocking is that the Titans are 0-2 this year when they were late-season favorites to make the Super Bowl last year. They lost a hard-fought season opener to the Pittsburgh Steelers, but then lost to the Houston Texans last week in a huge upset. Perhaps losing Albert Haynseworth to the Redskins in the offseason was a bigger loss than the Titans imagined? Or perhaps the first couple of losses are a fluke.

As for the Jets, they have a new, very vocal coach in Rex Ryan. Lucky for the team, they’ve played up to the high expectations that Ryan has set for them in the press, defeating the Houston Texans and, more impressively, the New England Patriots. They also have a rookie quarterback tailor-made for NYC. Mark Sanchez is extremely handsome, well-spoken, and has managed the games so far like a champ.

Why you might care:

Because you want to spend your Sunday watching Mark Sanchez. No really, you do.

Football is just like Pop Culture!

In the first season of Gilmore Girls, Rory met Dean at the public high school. Dean was tall and adorable and wore leather jackets and had hair that flopped into his eyes. Dean quoted Rosemary’s Baby and gave Rory jewelry. Oh, and he built her a car. Dean was the absolute perfect teen boyfriend.

And then season 2 began and the show needed some more romantic tension, so Jess was introduced. Jess was cocky and self-assured and hot, but he was also a lover of old books and indie music, and Rory suspected there was a sensitive side beneath his outward bravado. Slowly, Rory fell for Jess and away from Dean. And who could blame her–all of a sudden the writers decided Dean was a guy who loved video games, resented Rory’s love of books, and was basically a big, dumb lunkhead.

 

Jess and Rory

 

 

Last year, the Titans were one of the media darlings of the NFL. They had a stellar defense, an old but effective QB in Kerry Collins, and they could quote Rosemary’s Baby, er, I mean they had a sensational rookie running back in Chris Johnson. They picked up tons of wins, but pooped out just before the Super Bowl. This year the Jets are new to the scene– they are young and brash and hot (in win streak and QB), and the media is all over that. But just because the Titans have lost the first two games doesn’t mean that they have suddenly become something other than what they were–they still have much of the defense intact, they still have Kerry Collins at QB, and they still have Chris Johnson breaking tackles left and right. So this game could be a close one.

And if we base the results on the Gilmore boys, I’d say advantage Titans. After all, Jess broke Rory’s heart, forcing her to realize that Dean was better all along. (Then she lost her virginity to Dean even though he was married at the time, but that’s neither here nor there.)

Boyfriend/Husband/Dad/Other will be so impressed!

Conversation Starters:

- Can you believe the Titans are 0-2? What do you think their record will be at the end of the season?

-Why is Milo Ventimiglia so hot as Jess but so unappealing in every other acting role?

- Did you realize that Calvin Pace is still suspended? What do you think that Jets D is going to look like when he gets back?

Fun Facts:

- The Jets defense has only allowed 482 yards so far, fewest in the league. They also have allowed only 1 touchdown– a fumble return against Houston.

- Only 5 teams have made the playoffs after starting 0-3 in the modern NFL.

Player Pronunciation:

Darelle Revis (NYJ): dah-rehl ree-vis

Kevin Mawae (TEN): keh-vin mah-why

Cute football player(s) of the week:

Oh like you didn’t know this one already: Mark Sanchez, Jets QB.
But also: Cortland Finnegan, Titans cornerback

 

Everybody, this is Mark.

 

 

 

Even adorable in a closed-eye picture.

Um, serious lack of Cortland pictures on the interwebs. Fix yo'self interwebs.

 

Weekly Wrap-Up

Ok, this is way delayed. Please excuse the lateness, especially considering it’s almost next week, and really I can barely remember what happened this week. Here’s the latest-ish:

• FifG Game of the Week winner: The Minnesota Vikings. Sorry Detroit Lions fans, but that’s one more game to the losing streak. On a positive note, many experts (including FifG, because, yes, FifG is an expert) believe that the Lions just might beat the Redskins. As for the Vikings, seems like they played a miserable first half and turned it up in the second half. Congrats to Percy Harvin, aka FifG’s third fantasy wide receiver, on his first NFL touchdown.
• We have had a request here to talk about Mark Sanchez, so this week’s Game of the Week will be the Titans v. the Jets. Should be a great game. Not entirely sure how it’s related to pop culture, but I’ll think about it and get back to you.
• My Buccies suckie. Boo.
• Lots of upsets this week: Bengals over Packers. Texans over Titans. Jets over Patriots. Giants over brand-new-stadium Cowboys. It’s too early to tell if the losing teams are bad, the winning teams are good, or if there was just a lot of bad/good luck going around, but that’s why football is so awesome. You just never know from year to year what you’re going to get, so you can stay invested. Why else is football awesome? Lots of reasons! Here is one.
• Many of you have been asking (via search terms), and, yes, Jon Gruden is married. According to his memoir (which, yes, FifG read in full) Jon is married to his college sweetheart, Cindy.
  Sorry, ladies.  But please know that as adorable as he is, Jon seems like the type of husband who would require a good deal of patience.

 

Jon Gruden is married to football AND to his wife.

Non-football notes:

• Try Martha Stewart’s pumpkin cupcake recipe. It is seriously easy, and very delicious! (Though it’s totally ok to buy the cream cheese frosting pre-made, because really, who can tell?
• I’m currently on jury duty for the first time (the court has wireless), and it has been revelatory, to say the least. I would go into the frustrations further, but I don’t feel it would be polite to speak ill of one’s wireless provider whilst it’s being provided. Maybe later.
• Wireless is awesome.

 

Cute Football Player of the Week: Mark Sanchez

Ok, so Mark’s been featured on this site before, but this was another special request, so here he is: Mark Sanchez, rookie QB for the New York Jets.

Mark Sanchez was recently featured in the June issue of GQ. Wearing little swim shorts. It’s worth a mention. And a look…

Draft Day

• QB Mark Sanchez is heading to the New York J-E-T-S-Jets-Jets-Jets. Makes total sense to me. Sanchez is mature, talented, and super attractive. New York is a huge market and requires the QB to be both savvy with and appealing to the media. Sanchez definitely fits at least the latter, no?

J-E-T-S

• I’ve had to watch the draft on ESPN News, and there is much less coverage of the ever-important phone calls from Coach and shrieking families, but there are a bunch of player interviews, so that’s fun. I was really impressed by Colt’s 1st round pick, running back Donald Brown. By which I mean his family seemed sweet and low-key, and he was very well-spoken. Probably he runs fast, too.
  

  Donald Brown is very happy to have me as his fan.

• The Denver Broncos surprised a lot of people by taking running back Knowshon Moreno (no-shawn mohr-ay-no) with their first pick, since they could really use some help on defense. However, I sense a good omen. Knowshon looks a lot like former Denver superstar Terrell Davis, no? I think mostly the similarity is in the big smile.

   

  

  Terrell Davis

   

  

  Knowshon Moreno

• I’m pretending the Bucs didn’t have a first-round pick right now.

Player pronunciations:

• Peria Jerry, new Atlanta Falcon: peh-ray jer-ee

• Michael Oher, new Baltimore Raven: mī-kəl ohr

Who Should Be Drafted First? QBs

The NFL draft is coming up this Saturday, and pundits will go on about experience, arm strength, hustle, character, Wonderlic scores, 40 times, etc. in determining the best players available.

Yet we here at FifG like to focus more on the intangibles. For instance, who is more attractive? Now, I’m not saying this is the best tactic a team can use for drafting players, but heck, it’s not the worst! Look at Tom Brady. He was drafted with pick #199 in 2000 (according to wikipedia), and I think FifG readers and football experts alike would agree that he should have gone way higher.

So, without further ado, this year’s top QB prospects:

Matthew Stafford, QB, University of Georgia

Update: Stafford has agreed to a deal with the Detroit Lions pre-draft. So I guess we know who will be first.

Mark Sanchez, QB, University of Southern California

Josh Freeman, QB, Kansas State University

All signs point to Matthew Stafford being drafted first overall by the Detroit Lions, Mark Sanchez going to one of the top five drafters, and Josh Freeman going to either the Jets or Bucs in the first round or to some other team in the second round.

So, you’ll see those guys around a lot, but here are some of the underdogs:

Nate Davis, QB, Ball State

Hunter Cantwell, QB, Louisville (high marks for Western Wear)

Graham Harrell, QB/Ashton Kutcher Lookalike, Texas Tech

John Parker Wilson, QB, University of Alabama

So who are you hoping your team will draft?

For my money (or that of the Glazers), Graham Harrell seems like one really capable football player. (And Bucs’ red and pewter would totally bring out his eyes.)

FifG Games of the Week: The Playoffs, Wild Card Edition

Welcome to the playoffs!

Since there are now only four games per week, it seems a little silly to choose one game of the week. So I’ll go ahead and try to give you a few talking points for each game.

Game 1: Atlanta Falcons vs. Arizona Cardinals [Saturday 4:30 p.m., NBC]

This one is super young vs. super old as rookie QB Matt Ryan and the Falcons travel to Arizona to face 37-year-old Kurt Warner. (In football years, 37 is equal to like 97.) In January of 2000, Kurt Warner won a Super Bowl with the Rams.  In January of 2000, Matt Ryan was a high school freshman.  Hmm.

Pop Culture: Don’t you think Ed Hartwell wishes he was still a Falcon? Poor dude.

Player pronunciation:

Steve Breaston (ARI): steev brehs-tuhn

Reasons to root one way or another:

Falcons: Feel good story of young guy going to the Super Bowl.

Cardinals: Feel good story of an old guy going to the Super Bowl.

Game 2: Indianapolis Colts vs. San Diego Chargers [Saturday 8:00, NBC]

So, the 8-8 Chargers did make the playoffs and got a home game for winning the division. However, there really doesn’t seem to be much if any uproar about it, so never mind my thought that people would be upset. Oh well. Anyway, somehow lots of people seem to think the Chargers will win this one. I guess because of the home field advantage? Even though the Colts have won 12 games this year? And Peyton Manning was voted league MVP? Whatevs.

I think you all know who I want to win this game. (It rhymes with Schmolts.)

Fun fact:

-Indianapolis running back Joseph Addai had 1,072 rushing yards in 2007 and 544 in 2008. Lots of angry fantasy football players out there counting on big numbers from him.

Reasons to root one way or another:

Colts: Tony Dungy may retire this year, and it’d be nice for him to end on a good note. Dungy is widely respected for his calm demeanor and Christian values. He faced adversity a few years ago when his teenage son killed himself, but remained active in charitable work as well as football.

Chargers: The Chargers were pre-season favorites and faltered during the year. A good story for a team who managed to pick themselves up and dust themselves off heading into the playoffs.

Game 3: Baltimore Ravens vs. Miami Dolphins [Sunday 1:00, CBS]

Two unlikely teams in this one. The Ravens have a famously strong defense, but it was hard to imagine that a rookie QB/coach combo could carry the defense to the playoffs. Surprise! As for the Dolphins, they won a single game last year, and this year they won 11. QB Chad Pennington was dumped by the Jets last year in favor of Brett Favre, and the huge chip on his shoulder didn’t hurt his throwing arm at all. (Must have been on the other shoulder.) It probably didn’t hurt that the dolphins had former (really good) coach Bill Parcells pulling strings in the front office, either.

Conversation Starter:

-Who is the better story this year: Joe Flacco or Matt Ryan?

Reasons to root one way or another:

Ravens: Again, the young QB makes a nice feel-good story.

Dolphins: 1-16 one year, Super Bowl the next. Not entirely likely, but a great story!

Game 4: Philadelphia Eagles vs. Minnesota Vikings [Sunday 4:15, FOX]

The Eagles seriously backed their way into the playoffs with a Chicago and a Tampa (sigh) loss in the last game of the season. However, they did destroy the Dallas Cowboys, who were favored by many before the season started to be the NFC’s Super Bowl contender. So what do they have? Momentum! And what else do they have? A QB who is playing for a big new contract! Donovan McNabb might play somewhere new next year, though that likely depends on what happens in the playoffs, and this is a great time for him to show other teams how much money he is worth on a national stage!

As for the Vikings, they won the weak NFC North division and have the potential to do great things, but that potential rests on the legs of running back Adrian Peterson. The second-year Oklahoma grad is a phenom, and he’ll likely need to continue to be to win playoff games.

Cute Football Players of the Week:

Adrian Peterson, Vikings RB

An old photo, but he's still only 23.

Mark Sanchez, USC QB

No, he's not in the NFL yet. But he's earned this.

See?

Reasons to root one way or another:

Eagles: My friend Renada just moved to Philadelphia. Please root for them on her behalf. (I don’t like the Eagles, personally, so that’s all I got.)

Vikings: Their colors are purple and yellow. Pretty!