Ok, so clearly it has been a very, very long time since I’ve posted regularly, but times, they are a changin’.
Here’s why:
1) The Bucs’ season is over, meaning fewer posting duties at Chicks in the Huddle. However, if you are excited to read all about the Bucs season that was (and of course you are excited to read about a team of losers), please see my zillion, trillion posts–each one more informative than the next–here. And if you happen to be a fan of a team that’s still in the playoffs, there’s lots of great stuff on the site to check out.
2) I am feeling slightly better. Or, I will be feeling better in approximately 4 months, and the idea that I will feel better makes me feel better. Turns out, asthma bestowed itself upon me a few months ago. I didn’t even know a person could get asthma as a grown-up. Also? When people talk about how they have asthma and can’t breathe, they mean like all the time they can’t breathe and not just when standing in a smoky room or when climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro (like Jessica Biel) (whom I don’t think has asthma). So, basically, don’t get asthma. Or if you do, sign up for allergy shots, because those will make you feel better in about 4 months probably, I hope.
3) American Idol is starting again soon. Yay! But I’m totally not starting to write about it until after auditions. Auditions are dumb. (Very quickly, though, why is Kute Kris Allen’s music so dull? I totally thought I would buy his CD, but man, the couple of songs I’ve heard are yawn-cubed.)
4) It’s playoff time, so everyone gets to care about teams that they don’t care about. For instance, I care about the Saints now. And also the Colts. That is my dream Super Bowl. The one I dread most, as I think I’ve mentioned, is Chargers vs. Eagles. So expect to see that happen.
Super Bowl Preview in FifG's Anti-Perfect World.
End Note: I haven’t posted regularly this season, and yet I’ve had 20,000 views since September–mostly people looking to find out who Jay Cutler’s girlfriend is. (Joke’s on them, since I don’t know…) I’m guessing my views will nosedive once I start writing more (karma for pretending to know about Jay’s social life?), but thanks to anyone who’s checked out the site this season!
Not to be too tangential here (and we are going somewhere with this), but you know how in Lost Hurley was in that mental hospital for while, and his girlfriend Libby was there, too, and everyone was like, Oh no! This entire show is just like a dream that’s happening in Crazy Hurley’s mind! And everyone was mad about that, because it seemed like such a cop out.
Well, turns out that wasn’t the story behind Lost, but I think tonight’s American Idol was a dream that happened in my mind. No, but for real. Friend Cupcake watched with me, and she can totally attest to it. But since you can’t ask her yourself, perhaps you need more proof. Fine. Let’s look at the evidence: (more…)
Tonight was ROCK night. I just watched on DVR after spending the evening at an Adele concert. It was awesome.
Rock night on American Idol? Pretty awesome, too!
Because I need to go to bed, here are my thoughts, Adele-style. (And, no, Adele sings nothing close to rock. Let’s all just deal.)
Kute Kris: Oh Kute Kris, as Adele would say, “Who wants to be right as rain
It’s better when something is wrong. You get excitement in your bones, and everything you do’s a game.” Meaning, yeah, you weren’t so great at rock (though I honestly didn’t think his “Come Together” was that bad), but if you stay around then the rest of the season is cake! Or, that’s what I’m taking Adele’s words to mean. Come on girls. Keep Kute Kris! Do you really want to be responsible for getting rid of this face?
Maybe he should've sung in this ensemble?
D. Gokes: Some more words of clarity from Adele:
“I’m tired of trying
Your [singing] ain’t enough
Fed up of biding your time
When i don’t get nothing back.”
He sang Dream On by Aerosmith pretty ok-ly until the last note, which was all kinds of painful. For some reason Simon thinks it was enough for him to stick around. And yet he picked on Iraheta! For being awesome! Since when do I hate Simon so much?!
Iraheta and Twentzlight: These cats were born to rock, like, for reals. And their duet of Slow Ride (aka: the one song I can totally master in Guitar Hero, beginner level) was super crazy awesome. Iraheta even looked cute in her rock-appropriate clothes. I won’t comment on their solo songs, both of which were rockin’ (um… it’s late and I have no thesaurus), but suffice it to say Twentzlight’s reviews were way better. Anyhoo, if I know Adele, and I do not, I think she would agree that the Twentzheta duo saved the best for last.
And since Best for Last is my favorite Adele song, let’s just pop it up right here. No linking necessary. You’re welcome, and good night.
1. My letter worked! Iraheta was in the top 2! (With D. Gokes, sure, but this post is all about the love.) Yippee!
2. Douchey Scarfgot kicked off. Not that I dislike him and his Timberlaccent that much anymore, but it was time. He was gracious, and the audience loved him–which makes me think he maybe sounds better in person than on film? (Also, my guess is that his girlfriend is the one who cried tonight.)
3. When everyone was all shocked about Kute Kris and Twentzlight in the bottom 3 (they couldn’t have been shocked about Douchey Scarf, right?), and Simon was like, hey, you should be giving the top 2 credit for being great. Right on, Simon!
4. All the cut-aways to the “tense” bottom 3 of Douchey Scarf, Kute Kris, and Twentzlight–who were basically just chillin’ backstage. (Side note: They never said Twentzlight was actually in the bottom two. I bet it was really D.S. and Kute Kris.)
5. Jamie Foxx. Give that man an Oscar!
6. Simon admitting he got all of his comments this week bass ackward.
7. I watch Lost and Idol at the same time (fancy DVR maneuvering), and Lost wasstill too confusing but kind of engaging again this week. I really hope this show is going somewhere, though. Hours of my life, people. Like hundreds of them. Who’s with me?
8. The cupcakes that Friend Cupcake and I decorated last night. It counts as something I like tonight, because tonight I have a picture.
I was so very excited for Big Band Night. You have to understand. Kelly Clarkson’s performance on the first season’s Big Band Night is my favorite American Idol performance of all time. Anyway, I guess my expectations were too high.
The good news of the night, though, is that I decorated cupcakes while I watched with my trusty cupcake decorating friend, and she had totally good insights. I’ve decided to steal them for my blog.
First, the guest mentor was Jamie Foxx. Was he in the Rat Pack? He was, right?
Kute Kris, The Way You Look Tonight: I really like this song, and I love Kris (creepy-but-not-fully-grown mustache non-withstanding). I pretended he was singing about the way I looked tonight (aka covered in orange frosting). I think Jamie Foxx wanted to make out with him. Get in line, Jamie. Friend Cupcake noted that it was weird that Kute Kris’s song was slow until the last 30 seconds and then was uptempo and then, like every song, ended in falsetto. Neither of us like the falsetto.
Simon thought the song was “wet.” I’m not kidding. Is that a British thing? Did the song make him want to take out his bumbershoot?
Iraheta, Someone to Watch Over Me: Iraheta turned 17 this week, though she is still unable to muster a coherent sentence. Which I find very charming. Also, she sings like someone who can sing super well. I want her to sing more songs on Idol, on account of her awesomeness. Friend Cupcake also liked it. So did Jamie Foxx. Simon thinks she’s going home. CONSPIRACY!
Randy said she looked like Brittany Murphy but dope. Should Iraheta be upset about that? Should Brittany?
Douchey Scarf, My Funny Valentine: Totally just remembered that Melinda Doolittle sang the pants off this song. Know who didn’t? Justin Timberlake. Know who else didn’t? Douchey. I know it’s a hard song to sing, but the whole thing was weird and off-key and ick. Friend Cupcake thought it was way dull. But Simon? He thought it was wonderful. Even after hearing Iraheta. CON-SPIR-A-CY!
D. Gokes, Come Rain or Come Shine: I like that Jamie Foxx got right in D. Gokes’ face. I like that Jamie did it to be more like Michael Mann. I didn’t like how D. Gokes was all, I’m smarter than you and Michael Mann put together. And Jamie was like, I’m gonna stay in your face until you cry, like a Miami Vice cop. And D. Gokes was like, eep. And I was like, Yay!
Friend Cupcake wisely noted that D. Gokes’ song, like Kute Kris’s, was slow and then fast at the end, and she pointed out that every song this season seems to start slow and end fast because apparently that’s what this “artistry” thing is that Kara keeps talking about. I thought that was a great point.
Oh, and to prove that I’m not a negative person, I will say that I liked the trombones.
Twentzlight, Feeling Good: Remember how a couple of years ago in the semifinal round one guy and one girl both sang this song, and they were both eliminated? Yeah, I don’t think that’s a real concern for Twentzlight.
Scary moment of the night: I told Friend Cupcake that I felt like watching Twentzlight was akin to watching an Olympian. Like, I can appreciate the skill and the amazing talent and the professionalism of his songs. But I just don’t actually enjoy listening to him 9 times out of 10. THEN, Paula compared watching him to watching the Olympics. I was like, yay! I said that! And Friend Cupcake said, you’re like the next Paula. Eep.
Anyway, I know Twentzlight will win. I guess I’m ok with it, though, because he seems super nice.
One more fantastic point by Friend Cupcake this evening. I made her watch both the Kelly Clarkson number (see above) and the Tamyra Gray song from the same episode (see below), and she noted that no one could possibly sing such awesomely straightforward version of either song in today’s Idol world, because now they all need to follow the slow-then-fast “artistry” model. So true! Thanks, Friend Cupcake.
Who will go home? I pray it is D. Gokes or Douchey Scarf, but I fear for Iraheta and even Kute Kris who had the awful first performance slot.
Warning, Idol fans, this has been a long day in the life of FifG.
For that reason, the wrap-up may be lacking in length, wit, and creativity.
Lil/Little–I’m Every Woman by Chaka Khan–It sounded like I’m Every Woman by Chaka Khan. I thought it was ok. I don’t know what the judges said. It looked like it was going to be bad, so I fast-forwarded.
Kute Kris–She Works Hard for the Money by Donna Summer–Totally Mrazed-out disco, and it totally worked. For the record, I didn’t think this song counted as disco, but my friend Kevin insisted that it was released when disco was on its last legs. Trust Kevin, everyone. He knows these things. Also, though I’ve threatened it before, Kute Kris’s Falling Slowly was my first Idol iTunes purchase of the year. Am I the only one who thinks Kute Kris would be a perfect pocket-sized angel that sits on your shoulder telling you what you should do to be a better person? Only he would sing his advice? And also be in love with you?
Just me then?
Okey dokey. Moving on.
The Kids Inc. version of Donna Summer. Note the young Fergie.
D. Gokes–Dancing in September by Earth, Wind, and Fire–I love this song. D. Gokes sang it well, but according to Randy he changed it up? Like, how again? And also, people, you’re going to buy his album? Really? I bet you $10 you won’t.
Iraheta–Hot Stuff by Donna Summer–According to the judges it was indulgent, but I found it to be kickass and rockery. And, ok, but whenever they change the song up the judges call it indulgent (unless it’s D. Gokes, of course), but when they don’t change the song they are called boring (even D. Gokes!). No winning with these people.
Twentzlight–something from Saturday Night Fever–I dunno. He sings well, but I found it boring. And also, if I bet you $10 you won’t buy D. Gokes’s album, let’s make this one a $20 bet. However, I’ve no doubt that girls will spend $85 of their parents’ money to watch him in Shrek the Musical. Also, I’ve decided I like him as a person.
Douchey Scarf–Staying Alive by The Bee Gees–I don’t really like Douchey Scarf, but I liked this. Maybe because there were no runs. And maybe that’s why Kara didn’t like it.
ANOOP–Dim All the Lights by Donna Summer (pattern?)–The original song is slow and then, woo! It’s up-tempo! ANOOP’s version was slow, and then, woo. Sorta faster. Like remember the Freaks and Geeks where the cute little geek one who’s on Bones now asks the pretty cheerleader to dance to “Come Sail Away,” and they are slow dancing to the first part, and then it gets to the chorus and she’s like, now we’re fast dancing! And he’s sad. But like half of the kids at the dance are still slow dancing because the song isn’t really that fast? ANOOP was like that.
Maybe Kids Inc. did this one better than ANOOP?
Who’s going home? My guess is Lil/Little and ANOOP.
Huh. This wasn’t lacking in length after all. 1 out of 3, folks.
Last week everyone was pretty good, and I enjoyed watching almost every performance at least a little. This week I really liked a few songs, and the rest ranged from meh to bleh.
In honor of guest judge Randy Travis…
I’m Gonna Love You Forever
1. Iraheta. Blame it on Your Heart. I am completely befuddled. This girl completely rocks, and the judges seemed to think it was so-so. And Simon called her precocious? And tuneless? The heck? 1) That girl is like the least precocious person I’ve ever seen (um, interview skills?), save for her talented beyond her years singing voice. Randy Travis has never heard a 16 year old with her vocal maturity, Simon! Geez. And 2) Is Simon even listening to the singing or does he just want to play Ring Around the Rosy all season with Wentzinson, D. Gokes, and Little?
I feel like a conspiracy theory is in order here. I can’t think of one yet. I’m working on it.
2. Kute Kris. Make You Feel My Love. Did you notice that even his forearms are cute? And that he sings adorably from the side of his mouth? And that when he held up his fingers to ask people to call in for him, he held up his wedding ring finger? Awww. Totally compensating for last week when Simon told him to hide his love away and his wife was all seriously pissed like a sweet and pretty 23-year-old who takes herself a little too seriously would be. What a nice guy. Sigh…
Wait, what were we talking about?
Oh right. The song. He maybe got a little too much credit for his very pretty version of the Garth Brooks song–which sounded a lot like the Adele version, frankly–but he sings purty as he looks. And I like that Simon called him Tender Puppy. I think maybe the judges take turns visiting him at the Idol Mansion to feed him, take him on walks, and give him treats. I wonder if they fight over whose bed he’s going to sleep in. Hmm. I digress.
3. ANOOP. You Were Always on My Mind.I like that in his opening video he used the words “apprehension” and “impetus.” I like that he sang on key and kind of ever-so-slightly R&B-ized it. Otherwise, I thought it was pretty nice, and the judges lurved it. (You’ll notice his critique was better than Iraheta’s, too…)
Here’s my favorite part, though. When Ryan asked him if he was surprised by the good review, he said, basically, no. Awesome! Because, let’s be real. Ryan would never ask D. Gokes or Lil if they were surprised by a good review. They asked ANOOP because he’s smart and a little nerdy, and everyone knows that those types of people should feel kind of bad about themselves. Well, darn it, ANOOP works hard, and he expects a good review. He accepts the criticism and the praise with composure. Way to be.
Meh
Alexis. Jolene. Sad, because I love that song. I think I liked Brooke White’s version better, and that one wasn’t even great.
(Side note: Disturbing moment of the night. Alexis asking the judges, “Do you miss the dirty? You do? You miss the dirty?” Eesh.)
Brooke doesn’t miss the dirty.
Lil/Little. Independence Day. Carrie Underwood did it better.
D. Gokes. Jesus Takes the Wheel. Carrie Underwood did it better. (Also, Paula said, “We fall a little short of appreciating you.” Uh… How exactly could they appreciate him more?)
Douchey Scarf. Something I don’t know by Carrie Underwood. I’m pretty sure Carrie Underwood did it better.
Bleh.
Scott. Angels Swim In Rainbows of Hope and They Are My Inspiration for Mandolin Rain, or something. Can we end the Lite FM already? PLEASE?! I know, I know, he’s blind and a nice guy. But I hate everything he sings.
Corkrey Joy. Walkin’ After Midnight. She had the flu this week. (cough, cough) I guess her boobs didn’t? And she wanted to show their health? Also, just to be sure, am I morally obligated to like her for her flu like I’m morally obligated to like Scott’s Lite FM? (Ah-ah-ah-CHOO) If so, I totally won’t mention that I don’t think she can sing well at all, just with a twang that covers up the badness enough to divert our attention to her pretty “package artist”-osity. (cough, cough)
Twentzlight. Ring of Fire. Did we all just take a collective hookah hit? I thought so.
Whoops
Michael Sarver. Something Fast. I forgot that he sang tonight. Whoopsie.
Paula. I guess she’s back to the “special” Coke? I hope not. I’ve liked her so much this year.
Tomorrow Night: Randy Travis and Carrie Underwood perform. Yay!
Also, who will go home? I’m guessing Scott, Michael, or Lil, but you just watch it be Iraheta. Conspiracy, I tells ya!
Two of my top three made it this week: Irahita and Kute Kris. Yay! Irahita was a total no-brainer, and I think her performance of Alone was even better tonight than last night. Except for the weird bra dress. That was weird.
And Kute Kris! Yay! He was up against my other vote for the top three, Corkrey, who, by the way, straightened her hair! Very bad choice, Corks. Very bad.
The third entrant into the Top 12 is, Norman! No, just kidding. It’s Adam “Tyler-Wentz-Pattinson” Lambert. Duh. Could the judges push any harder for that dude? Well, I guess he could be D. Gokes. Anyway, he sings well, he screams on key, and he reads Twighlight unabashedly, so it’s all good.
Next week: Judges’ third most favoritest ever, Lil’ Rounds, sings with some other people, most of whom I don’t remember.
