1. My letter worked! Iraheta was in the top 2! (With D. Gokes, sure, but this post is all about the love.) Yippee!
2. Douchey Scarfgot kicked off. Not that I dislike him and his Timberlaccent that much anymore, but it was time. He was gracious, and the audience loved him–which makes me think he maybe sounds better in person than on film? (Also, my guess is that his girlfriend is the one who cried tonight.)
3. When everyone was all shocked about Kute Kris and Twentzlight in the bottom 3 (they couldn’t have been shocked about Douchey Scarf, right?), and Simon was like, hey, you should be giving the top 2 credit for being great. Right on, Simon!
4. All the cut-aways to the “tense” bottom 3 of Douchey Scarf, Kute Kris, and Twentzlight–who were basically just chillin’ backstage. (Side note: They never said Twentzlight was actually in the bottom two. I bet it was really D.S. and Kute Kris.)
5. Jamie Foxx. Give that man an Oscar!
6. Simon admitting he got all of his comments this week bass ackward.
7. I watch Lost and Idol at the same time (fancy DVR maneuvering), and Lost wasstill too confusing but kind of engaging again this week. I really hope this show is going somewhere, though. Hours of my life, people. Like hundreds of them. Who’s with me?
8. The cupcakes that Friend Cupcake and I decorated last night. It counts as something I like tonight, because tonight I have a picture.
I was so very excited for Big Band Night. You have to understand. Kelly Clarkson’s performance on the first season’s Big Band Night is my favorite American Idol performance of all time. Anyway, I guess my expectations were too high.
The good news of the night, though, is that I decorated cupcakes while I watched with my trusty cupcake decorating friend, and she had totally good insights. I’ve decided to steal them for my blog.
First, the guest mentor was Jamie Foxx. Was he in the Rat Pack? He was, right?
Kute Kris, The Way You Look Tonight: I really like this song, and I love Kris (creepy-but-not-fully-grown mustache non-withstanding). I pretended he was singing about the way I looked tonight (aka covered in orange frosting). I think Jamie Foxx wanted to make out with him. Get in line, Jamie. Friend Cupcake noted that it was weird that Kute Kris’s song was slow until the last 30 seconds and then was uptempo and then, like every song, ended in falsetto. Neither of us like the falsetto.
Simon thought the song was “wet.” I’m not kidding. Is that a British thing? Did the song make him want to take out his bumbershoot?
Iraheta, Someone to Watch Over Me: Iraheta turned 17 this week, though she is still unable to muster a coherent sentence. Which I find very charming. Also, she sings like someone who can sing super well. I want her to sing more songs on Idol, on account of her awesomeness. Friend Cupcake also liked it. So did Jamie Foxx. Simon thinks she’s going home. CONSPIRACY!
Randy said she looked like Brittany Murphy but dope. Should Iraheta be upset about that? Should Brittany?
Douchey Scarf, My Funny Valentine: Totally just remembered that Melinda Doolittle sang the pants off this song. Know who didn’t? Justin Timberlake. Know who else didn’t? Douchey. I know it’s a hard song to sing, but the whole thing was weird and off-key and ick. Friend Cupcake thought it was way dull. But Simon? He thought it was wonderful. Even after hearing Iraheta. CON-SPIR-A-CY!
D. Gokes, Come Rain or Come Shine: I like that Jamie Foxx got right in D. Gokes’ face. I like that Jamie did it to be more like Michael Mann. I didn’t like how D. Gokes was all, I’m smarter than you and Michael Mann put together. And Jamie was like, I’m gonna stay in your face until you cry, like a Miami Vice cop. And D. Gokes was like, eep. And I was like, Yay!
Friend Cupcake wisely noted that D. Gokes’ song, like Kute Kris’s, was slow and then fast at the end, and she pointed out that every song this season seems to start slow and end fast because apparently that’s what this “artistry” thing is that Kara keeps talking about. I thought that was a great point.
Oh, and to prove that I’m not a negative person, I will say that I liked the trombones.
Twentzlight, Feeling Good: Remember how a couple of years ago in the semifinal round one guy and one girl both sang this song, and they were both eliminated? Yeah, I don’t think that’s a real concern for Twentzlight.
Scary moment of the night: I told Friend Cupcake that I felt like watching Twentzlight was akin to watching an Olympian. Like, I can appreciate the skill and the amazing talent and the professionalism of his songs. But I just don’t actually enjoy listening to him 9 times out of 10. THEN, Paula compared watching him to watching the Olympics. I was like, yay! I said that! And Friend Cupcake said, you’re like the next Paula. Eep.
Anyway, I know Twentzlight will win. I guess I’m ok with it, though, because he seems super nice.
One more fantastic point by Friend Cupcake this evening. I made her watch both the Kelly Clarkson number (see above) and the Tamyra Gray song from the same episode (see below), and she noted that no one could possibly sing such awesomely straightforward version of either song in today’s Idol world, because now they all need to follow the slow-then-fast “artistry” model. So true! Thanks, Friend Cupcake.
Who will go home? I pray it is D. Gokes or Douchey Scarf, but I fear for Iraheta and even Kute Kris who had the awful first performance slot.
Warning, Idol fans, this has been a long day in the life of FifG.
For that reason, the wrap-up may be lacking in length, wit, and creativity.
Lil/Little–I’m Every Woman by Chaka Khan–It sounded like I’m Every Woman by Chaka Khan. I thought it was ok. I don’t know what the judges said. It looked like it was going to be bad, so I fast-forwarded.
Kute Kris–She Works Hard for the Money by Donna Summer–Totally Mrazed-out disco, and it totally worked. For the record, I didn’t think this song counted as disco, but my friend Kevin insisted that it was released when disco was on its last legs. Trust Kevin, everyone. He knows these things. Also, though I’ve threatened it before, Kute Kris’s Falling Slowly was my first Idol iTunes purchase of the year. Am I the only one who thinks Kute Kris would be a perfect pocket-sized angel that sits on your shoulder telling you what you should do to be a better person? Only he would sing his advice? And also be in love with you?
Just me then?
Okey dokey. Moving on.
The Kids Inc. version of Donna Summer. Note the young Fergie.
D. Gokes–Dancing in September by Earth, Wind, and Fire–I love this song. D. Gokes sang it well, but according to Randy he changed it up? Like, how again? And also, people, you’re going to buy his album? Really? I bet you $10 you won’t.
Iraheta–Hot Stuff by Donna Summer–According to the judges it was indulgent, but I found it to be kickass and rockery. And, ok, but whenever they change the song up the judges call it indulgent (unless it’s D. Gokes, of course), but when they don’t change the song they are called boring (even D. Gokes!). No winning with these people.
Twentzlight–something from Saturday Night Fever–I dunno. He sings well, but I found it boring. And also, if I bet you $10 you won’t buy D. Gokes’s album, let’s make this one a $20 bet. However, I’ve no doubt that girls will spend $85 of their parents’ money to watch him in Shrek the Musical. Also, I’ve decided I like him as a person.
Douchey Scarf–Staying Alive by The Bee Gees–I don’t really like Douchey Scarf, but I liked this. Maybe because there were no runs. And maybe that’s why Kara didn’t like it.
ANOOP–Dim All the Lights by Donna Summer (pattern?)–The original song is slow and then, woo! It’s up-tempo! ANOOP’s version was slow, and then, woo. Sorta faster. Like remember the Freaks and Geeks where the cute little geek one who’s on Bones now asks the pretty cheerleader to dance to “Come Sail Away,” and they are slow dancing to the first part, and then it gets to the chorus and she’s like, now we’re fast dancing! And he’s sad. But like half of the kids at the dance are still slow dancing because the song isn’t really that fast? ANOOP was like that.
Maybe Kids Inc. did this one better than ANOOP?
Who’s going home? My guess is Lil/Little and ANOOP.
Huh. This wasn’t lacking in length after all. 1 out of 3, folks.
Who was eliminated after the lamest night of the American Idol season?
No one, that’s who.
The bottom three included ANOOP, Lil/Little, and Douchey Scarf. Douchey Scarf sang for his life, whereupon he was granted a stay of Idol execution.
Why did the judges let D.S. live to sing another day? My hunch is that D. Gokes sailing through a week in which he sang a mawkish ballad with a stage-harp accompaniment was proof enough for them that he wouldn’t be voted off next week–aka the last chance they have to use the judges’ save.
To be fair, I thought D.S. was better tonight than last night, and I even kind of enjoyed his solo in tonight’s group performance of “What a Feeling” from Flashdance. (Hey, Idol folks! Flashdance is another movie with songs not sung by Bryan Adams. Learn up!)
Next week: Disco week. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Reality TV disco doesn’t have to be scary.
See: So You Think You Can Dance.
These were the worst, most boringest songs ever in the history of the whole wide movie world ever, ever, ever. They all need to watch more movies. Immediately. Guest judge Quentin Tarantino was totally like, the f@#* songs did these f@#$*& kids choose? I liked that about him. He was completely enthusiastic and completely over it at the same time.
Except we both appreciated Kute Kris. Kute Kris’s performance of “Falling Slowly” from Once was the only song that was acceptable at all. His performance would have been better if he played the guitar, but Once is a lovely movie, and the song is beautiful. So he wins the night, and he wins the show. There. Done. Let’s call it a show.
This is the better version. Everyone take notes.
Ok, so just in case you want to know exactly how lame the rest of the people are, here you go:
Iraheta. “Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing” from that asteroid movie. I still love Iraheta, and Simon gave her lots of praise, which was long overdue. But this song is so overplayed and dull. Iraheta! Your hair is bright red! You should watch better movies!
ANOOP and Douchey Scarf. Songs by Bryan Adams.
That’s right, folks. Two separate songs from Bryan Adams.
You know it’s true, every time I hear those songs. Ah-ah-ah. I fall asleeeeep.
Twentzlight. “Born to be Wild” from Easy Rider. I do like Twentzlight, but apparently it’s possible to be bored by something really hugely unboring if done enough times. Twentzlight, the sociology experiment.
D.Gokes. “Endless Love” from Endless Love. A song about his first love being endless. Hmm. Wonder… what… that’s… about.
This dude creeps me out. Also, the song was boring. And Simon was right (before alluding to the “meaning” behind the song): This guy does nothing with the music. Last year everyone was making things exciting. This year? No one.
Jason Castro was original! Remember? And he got a record deal!
Lil/Little. “The Rose” from The Rose. I feel kind of bad for her, so I’ll just say that it wasn’t so good.
Who should go? I don’t know. Just save Iraheta, Kute Kris, and Twentzlight, and I’m good to go.
Tonight’s theme: Songs from the year you were born.
I was born before every one of these folks. Sigh. Anyway, this week I’ll break it down by just how badly the judges messed up their critiques. Let’s give it a 1-5 rating, with a 1 being: Yes, Kelly Clarkson is the awesomest American Idol. (Because I agree.) Then a 5 would be: That Soul Patrol guy is gonna be huge! His gray hair makes the teen girls crazy! (Because I do not agree.)
Got it? Let’s begin.
D. Gokes, Stand By Me, Ben E. King (1961). Ok! This makes sense now! D. Gokes is 48 years old!
Um, wait, there was a 1980 version of the song? That sounded like this? And people listened to it?
1980 must have been the year of the hearing problems.
The judges? Oh, they loved it. Or they loved him. Or something. Any love at all was, to me, unwarranted.
Rating: 5
(Soul Patrol, Part Deux. You really going to buy his album, people?)
Kute Kris, All She Wants to Do is Dance, Don Henley (1985). I have to say, I thought this was an awesomely quirky song choice, and though it wasn’t super exciting, I liked the horns, and I thought he sufficiently Jason Mrazed it up to make it likable.
Simon called it indulgent (D. Gokes much?). Kara said it was too adult contemporary jazz. Paula or Randy or someone said that Don Henley’s arrangement was sacred (!), and he changed it up too much. You know, Michael Jackson’s Thriller, Don Henley’s All She Wants to Do Is Dance… Rating: 4
Lil/Little, What’s Love Got to Do With It , Tina Turner (1984). The judges gave her grief for not changing up the song, but, to be fair, if messing with Don Henley is an issue, I can’t imagine the flack they would have given her for changing Tina’s number. Anyway, she looked really awesome despite the fact that she doesn’t really sing as well as the judges have wanted us to believe all along. I think they’ve stopped believin’, too.
Rating: 2
ANOOP, True Colors, Cyndi Lauper (1986). I like ANOOP.
He apologized for being a bit of a douche last week, which was nice. He cheered for his UNC Tarheels after their NCAA championship win. Also likable. Simon even told him he didn’t need to apologize for douching out when he’s being douched upon by the judges. Why? Because Simon likes ANOOP, too.
Here’s the problem. As much as I like ANOOP, I also really like Cyndi Lauper. The best thing about True Colors is how stripped down it is, so even though he didn’t change it much, I didn’t really dig the changes he did make. That being said, I thought he was good. The judges? Thought he was good. Right on, judges. Rating: 1
I love ANOOP, but he is no Lauper.
The actual video is awesome but copyrighted I think. See it here.
Scott FM, The Search Is Over, Survivor (1985). Um.
Ummm.
You know what I like? I like songs.
Songs are nice.
Like, with tunes and stuff? Really neat.
Um… And Survivor rocks, right?
So… yeah.
(It was really bad.)
(But the judges wouldn’t really say so.)
(But neither will I, apparently.) Rating: 3
Iraheta, I Can’t Make You Love Me, Bonnie Raitt (1992). I love this song. It’s another one (like True Colors) that is good because it’s stripped down. But Iraheta sang it sorta quietly and sorta rock-y, and it was so great, and why aren’t people voting for her?
Maybe because the judges said it wasn’t original? And said it was good except that she’s not likable? I would scream conspiracy right this very moment except for the fact that Randy (!) said that she’s the next Kelly Clarkson. Oh, and Kara said she needs to get in the studio and make a record. Amen. I will preorder on iTunes now. Rating: 4 (Simon and Paula), 2 (Randy and Kara)
Douchey Scarf, Part-Time Lover, Stevie Wonder (1985). I guess every word is going to be sung with 50,000 syllables again? And Kute Kris’s take on the song was too adult contemporary jazz for them, but this wasn’t? I think I really just don’t like his genre of music. What do I like? The childhood video of D.S. acting in some school play (he had 72 lines!) with a strong Midwestern accent.
The judges liked his singing. I don’t know. But I’m forfeiting because that video was adorable. Hey, does he have a girlfriend? Rating: N/A
Twentzlight, Mad World, Gary Jules (1982). I do enjoy low-key Twentzlight. This was that. It was very Broadway, too. But as someone who listens to Pandora’s “Broadway All Stars” station all day long, it worked for me. Will people really buy a Twentzlight CD? I dunno. He should’ve been 26 in the 80s. People in the 80s would have LOVED Twentzlight. Sad.
Simon was the only one who commented, and he did so with a standing-o. I liked “Tracks of My Tears” better, but this one was good, too. Rating: 2
I’ve noticed that along with the searches for Jay Cutler’s dating status, the other person whose name keeps popping up in WordPress searches is Matt Giraud (aka Douchey Scarf) of American Idol fame. Or semi-fame. Whatever.
Guess what, everyone? I sort of know the answer to this one. Woo!
I’d like to thank The Joy of Corkrey for the “inside” info.
People magazine asked the recently dismissed Idol whether she and Douchey Scarf were an item. Apparently this was the rumor. I did not realize. Here’s what she said:
“Not at all,” said the recently divorced single mother. “We’re just friends. He has a girlfriend, and I have no interest in dating right now.”
The two have, however, forged a tight bond, she says, over “just being lonely, you know, and wanting to laugh.”
So there you go. Yes, he is taken. No, he is not dating The Joy of Corkrey.
However, you may take heart in the fact that he has only a girlfriend and not a wife (like one Kute Kris), because dating relationships end, more often than not.
Random Person Who Entered This Search Term on WordPress
Dear Random,
Good question, and I certainly feel your pain. No, I don’t think the American Idol judges love ANOOP too much (can a person, really?), but I definitely understand what it’s like to watch a performance that is completely so-so, expect to hear as much from Simon at least, and then sit amazed while the person is praised to the high heavens. Perfect example: Douchey Scarf‘s completely overwrought performahahahahahahaeeeeeeahnce in the Wild Card round that apparently qualified him for the Top 13.
Annnnyway, here’s the thing about ANOOP: The judges only really like him because the crowd really likes him. I guarantee that if we could actually have heard his version of “My Prerogrative” last night over the high-decibel drone of the audience, the judges would have given a way lukewarmer critique. That’s right, I said lukewarmer. But the crowds love him, and so the judges kinda have to. Good ratings keep those advertisers happy, and happy advertisers keep the show on the air, and the show on the air keeps the moola in the judges’ wallets and Swiss bank accounts.
Perhaps a better question, then, might be: Why do the fans love ANOOP?
I think that’s mostly based on the guy’s dorky likability. He looks like a regular dude, he talks like one, and he dresses like one. And the point of American Idol is to find a random guy/gal on the street (It could be YOU!) and make him/her a star. However, most of the contestants nowadays are like the reality show version of an average joe–meaning, not so regular. You know 90% of these Top 13 folks have sent countless demo tapes to Arista, have mined every connection their Uncle Bob in New York City has (like to that guy who answers phones at Warner Brothers), and that they meticulously plan their outfits every day in hopes of being “discovered” at the mall or on the street. But ANOOP really is just a super fun and nice guy who wears flip-flops, likes college basketball, and listens to hip-hop music. And, hey, it could be HIM!
