Tampa Bay Buccaneers [1-1] vs. Chicago Bears [1-1] (Sunday 1:00 p.m., local Fox affiliates)
Why it’s good football: Eh, who am I kidding. It’s not really good football except for the fact that I’m a huge Bucs fan, and I have a feeling they are going to be really bad this year, so why not feature them when they’ve won 50% of their games?
Why you might care:
Maybe you live in Tampa or Chicago? Or um…
Ok, how about this: Bucs’ coach Jon Gruden was once one of People’s Most Beautiful People! And he’s captured by camera crews on the sideline all the time. Granted, he’s gotten older and gained some weight, but his beauty shines through.
Also, people say he looks like Chuckie from the horror movies. And he cusses and everything. So you can make it a game. Like, how many curse words can you see Chuckie mouthing? Considering how bad this team might be, your score could be through the roof!
Football is just like Pop Culture!
Ok, so let’s call the Bucs The Hills, and let’s call Jon Gruden Lauren.
So Lauren has this great house that she shares with Lo. They get along so well, because they are best friends forever and have this mutual admiration society going, and Lauren’s designing more expensive drapey jersey dresses than ever, and they are so happy, happy, happy. Well then Audrina decides she needs somewhere to live, and Lauren decides, oh, this would be even better. (I know, I know, this isn’t how it happened, but bear with me.) Because Lauren knows that Audrina will get her even more press, because the paparazzi love Audrina and her new fake boobs and her non-threatening glassy smile, and this will score major attention for Lauren’s clothing line and possibly up her asking price for episodes of The Hills and everything. So Lauren works to convince Audrina that she should take Lo’s room and that she would be so happy living in her house and that they could have tons of pool parties and get ready for trips to Les Deux together every night. And Audrina is like, yeah! That’d be cool! But then Justin Bobby tells her that he won’t let her live with Lauren, so she goes to live with Stephanie Pratt instead.
Well, now how do you think Lo feels? She knows Lauren wanted Audrina more, and darn it if Lo isn’t one of the pissiest gals on TV. But she’s also savvy. So, yes, she’s going to keep living with Lauren and pretend to be happy about it, but she’s going to roll her eyes all the heck over that house for the next year.
So here’s where Gruden’s at. He’s got Jeff Garcia (Lo) as his QB when he spent the offseason trying to get Brett Favre. (I’d used Audrina as his stand-in, but really there is no character in The Hills that would equal a Favre. Maybe Audrina times a zillion?) Anyway, Garcia is all angry about the offseason, and Gruden is all angry about Garcia being angry, so now a guy named Brian Griese is playing. There are rumors that he’s battled alcoholism, too, so I wonder who he would be. Lauren’s old boyfriend Jason? Is that libelous? Who is a self-professed alcoholic?
Anyway, lots of drama! Good stuff.
Cute football player(s) of the week:
Sabby Piscatelli. He’s a Buc.
And Brian Urlacher, a Bear.
Boyfriend/Husband/Dad/Other will be so impressed!
Conversation Starters:
-Matt Forté looks like he’s going to have a breakthrough season as a rookie. It will be interesting to see if his legs outlast Adrian Peterson’s in the division, no? Peterson seems to be banged up pretty easily.
-How do you feel about the end of the Rex Grossman era in Chicago?
-Joey Galloway is a great player, but the dude’s old. If he doesn’t last the season, who will be Bucs have at receiver?
Fun Fact:
-Between the 2006 and 2007 seasons, Devin Hester has returned a total of 4 kickoffs and 7 punts for touchdowns. (Though he likely won’t play in this game due to injury.)
Player Pronunciation:
Matt Forté (CHI): mat fawr-tey
Brian Griese (TB): brahy-uh
n gree-see
