Incredibly Off-Topic: The Bachelor

1. This season is ridiculous. Jake is very attractive physically but there’s, like, no there there.

2. This season is called The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love. But they really played the song “On the Wings of Love” tonight. For real. And they brought out Chicago to play for a special one-on-one date. (For those readers who are the age of Jake’s dates, Chicago is a band and not just a city.) Way to stay current, ABC. I’m pretty sure Lady Gaga is going on tour with Chicago this summer.

3. There was a shocking scandal in which a bachelorette was dating a camera guy, or something. I’d offer an opinion, but I’m really much too upset about the whole thing to talk about it.

4. You know the girl who got completely trashed on the first group date? I just bought that same dress at Anthropologie! I’m trying to decide if I should take it back, so this was helpful. The bachelorette in question seems to be a foot taller than me, and her coloring is totally different (read: blond and tan), but I honestly wasn’t loving the dress. It definitely needed a belt, at least. I did like her earrings, though.

(The dress was on sale when I bought it and is gone from the site now, or else I’d post a picture. So here is a mental image for you: Green! Ruffles! And, um… Green!)

(Do you think the fact that it’s not on the site anymore means that I can’t return it? Shoot.)

Reality Football/Just Reality Update

Kendra! on E!:

Our favorite reality couple, Kendra Wilkinson and Hank Baskett (Wilkett? Baskinson?) are still going strong, several weeks into their marriage.

Seems Kendra still has her Chargers welcome mat out. Which is disrespectful to her husband, no?

Also, guess who cam over for a dinner party?! FifG Cute Football Player of the Week Chris Gocong! Exciting! His girlfriend/wife is vegetarian, and Kendra served her carrots covered in meat sauce. Whoops. (Are hosts supposed to ask everyone about food issues, or are the guests supposed to offer information? I don’t know the proper etiquette.)

Keyshawn Johnson Tackling Design on A&E:

Keyshawn Johnson has a design show. What the what?, you may ask. It’s actually pretty entertaining. Keyshawn has a whole team of designers that he works with, his taste is pretty streamlined and functional, and, best of all, he has to do what his clients tell him to. And lots of his clients are seriously pissy. Very un-Keyshawn and very awesome!

The Bachelorette on ABC:

Jillian makes me sad. As fun as she is, she’s like the poster child for neediness and low self-esteem. Hopefully it’s just because she’s put herself in the awkward position of choosing a husband on camera?

Thoughts from the After the Rose show:

-Kiptyn soooo didn’t care that he was rejected. He was all, Huh? Do I miss her? Um, sure.
Future Bachelor Potential: Low– He’s very handsome and abtastic for sure, but something tells me he’s not in the future husband state of mind.

-Reid is adorable, except for his choice in get-Jillian-back shoes of course. He seems funny and charming but also kind of uncomfortable on camera. Like, I think he has way more personality than the editing shows. I think.

Also, what up with Jillian demanding that he continually whine over the fact that he lost her love. She looked so depressed that he wouldn’t ask more questions about why she didn’t choose him. You don’t need the guys you rejected to moon over you, Jillian! You’re a good person! Own it!

Future Bachelor Potential: If he can get his personality to translate to screen, I would say good. But since I’m not sure that would happen, I say fair.

-Ed won Jillian’s heart with the world’s ugliest engagement ring. But she’s happy, so that’s what counts. I cannot imagine this is a long-termer, what with all the internet rumors about Ed’s girlfriends, and Jillian’s utter insecurity. Not a good combo. But, heck, the proposal was very sweet, and if those two crazy kids are happy, then I hope it works out.

Future Bachelor Potential: None

Jillian, Ed, and the green shorts

The Bachelorette Pursuers: Not football experts.

I’m watching The Bachelorette now (Yes, I watch a lot of television. What of it?), and Jillian (The Bachelorette herself) is on a double date with two men. At the end of the double date she has to kick one guy off the show. And considering they sent last week’s reject out on an L.A. city bus, it’s a humiliating prospect.

So the two men on the date are apparently “opposites”–at least in the reality TV sense–because one is suave and has McDreamy-esque hair, and the other hems and haws and speaks only when he has something to say.

However, sometimes what he has to say is factually incorrect. You see, in his efforts to show that he is the more guarded bachelor, Bachelor #2 said:

I am like the quarterback behind a line of defensive men.

Dude, the quarterback doesn’t play on defense. It’s called an offensive line. Learn up before you simile.

The winner of The Bachelorette will surely be like the kicker who throws a game winning touchdown.

For the record, Jillian sent home Mr. McDreamy Hair.

Jillian’s Canadian, though, so NFL football probably isn’t her thing.