Hello football ladies!
It’s been a little slow here on FifG lately– a fact which I’d love to attribute to a boring offseason, but of course there are cute football players running around all year long. Honestly, things have been slightly craptastic in FifG-land lately, and I decided to go ahead and skip OTAs and just chill until the beginning of training camp. (That was a football metaphor. Word.)
However, the football gossip world just kept on spinning without any FifG input, and I started to feel left out. So let’s catch up:
1) Jessica Simpson and Eric Johnson: Tony Romo’s ex celebrated her 30th birthday on a yacht with her new boyfriend, and ex-Arizona Cardinal. This is a significant upgrade from last year’s celebration, when the FifG-favorite was dumped the night before her big Barbie and Ken party. Hopefully she has learned a lesson about planning theme parties that involve dressing your boyfriend like a doll. (Note: The lesson is do not plan them.) Only issue here is that Eric is mid-divorce. But let’s let Jessica have her moment.
Cargo-Short Ken and Mumu Barbie
2) Kim Kardashian and Miles Austin: Kim dumped Reggie Bush 4eva, probably. According to a gossip magazine I read on a plane this weekend, he’s now dating some singer who looks just like Kim–but trashier! Though, I’ll be honest, I didn’t see much difference. Anyway, Kim is dating Miles now, and he’s super cute, and he probably wants to be on TV so he can get a modeling contract or something, so it should work out.
Also, has anyone noticed that Kim’s face is, like, unrecognizable now? Isn’t she like 28? Why is she getting so much work done?
Miles Austin, new man of Kim
3) Kendra and Hank: Kendra wrote this book or something, and I guess it made Hank mad because it talks about her past drug use and that whole thing where she slept with an 85-year-old man when she was 21. And he was jealous? Of Hef? I dunno.
The most icky love quadrangle.
