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Wes Welker: Does He Have a Girlfriend?

13 Jan

UPDATE: Wes is now engaged to the woman seen below, Anna Burns.

Let it not be said that I never do anything for you.

Because I have real-live pictures (taken of my TV with my cell phone) of the woman who may be Wes Welker‘s girlfriend. If he has a girlfriend. (My apologies, Wes, if she’s a relative.)

Girlfriend and Wes, who is high-fiving Pats owner Robert Kraft. (Also my DVR. Love you, DVR!)

And the GF giving Kraft (or another owner-type) a half-assed high five. I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and say that she is just uncomfortable here and not the eye-rolling type.

Aren’t we glad the Patriots scored those two touchdowns so we could at least see into the owner’s box seats?

FifG Game of the Week: New Orleans Saints vs. New England Patriots

30 Nov

New Orleans Saints [10-0] vs. New England Patriotst [7-3] (Monday 8:30 p.m., ESPN)

Why it’s good football: This is easily the game of the week. A potential Super Bowl match-up. Two high-scoring offenses. Great coaching. Top QBs in Drew Brees (NO) and Tom Brady (NE). It’s going to be a shoot out, and it’s going to be fun!

Why you might care: I know you have an opinion on Tom Brady. So if you are all about the hot dude who’s expecting a baby with his supermodel wife, this is your chance to cheer on the Pats. And if you think Brady is an overrated pansy, or have issues with the fact that he dumped his pregnant girlfriend and then started dating a supermodel, who claimed to mother his ex-girlfriend’s baby, well, then it’s your big chance to root against the Pats.

Love? Hate?

Football is just like Pop Culture!

If this game is Tough Love on VH1, then the Patriots are Taylor, who had success in previous seasons and was down at first this season but is making a big comeback and is a real contender for winning the heart of a man at the end of the season. (Which would be the Super Bowl in this semi-metaphor.)

Of course, that’s if she can get past Rocky, the fierce “rocker” with a heart of gold. Or maybe silicon. And probably it’s not her heart, actually. So Rocky would be the Saints. Playing hard. Rocking out. Ready to face off with Taylor in her quest to find a good man.

Um, ok, so once again this connection totally sucks, BUT who else loves Tough Love? Best. Show. On. Television. Seriously, what is it about this show that sucks me in every time? Who is everyone’s favorite? I think I like the reeeeeeally old and washed up bartender (who’s 31). Or maybe the stripper who doesn’t pay attention to her dates.

I really don’t like the fat-girl-gone-thin. It’s like, boo hoo, I have no self-esteem. Boo hoo, keep telling me how beautiful I am so I can feel better about myself. Need-y. (Ok, that’s mean, but I firmly believe that low self-image is best kept to oneself and sometimes close friends and family, but NOT the viewing public. Because then it comes across as fishing.)

And, also, has anyone else noticed that the adorable blonde Southern belles always ends up in a serious relationship within 2 days of arriving at the house? How does that happen? I mean, do they really need this show? I think  not.

Steve is all about Tough Love. But not modeling. Oofta.

Steve is all about Tough Love. And sculpted eyebrows.

Oh, and what does everyone think about the host being all like, hey, don’t hurt guys’ feelings because they won’t like you anymore. But don’t give them a hard time if they hurt yours, because it happens. 

Ok, that is all.

Boyfriend/Husband/Dad/Other will be so impressed!

Conversation Starters:

-Who do you like for MVP this year? Drew Brees? (Brees has a 105.8 QB rating in 2009, 22 touchdowns, and only 9 interceptions.)
-What was up with that 4th down play Belichick called against the Colts 2 weeks ago? Is he getting senile, or is the defense really that untrustworthy?

Fun Facts:

-The Saints are now 10-0, and only 6 games away from a perfect 16-0 season. The only team to ever accomplish that feat? The New England Patriots, of course. (The 2007 Patriots won all but 1 game that season/post-season: the Super Bowl. Oops.)
-This week’s NE Cute Football Player of the Week, Wes Welker, had a career game against the Jets last week, catching 15 passes for 192 yards. Opposing defenses have to find ways to cover both Welker and Randy Moss.

Player Pronunciation:

Junior Seau (NE): joon-yer say-ow
Jabari Greer (NO): juh-bah-ree greer

Cute football player(s) of the week:

Wes Welker, New England Patriots

 

Ha.

Darren Sharper, New Orleans Saints

 

With Melanie Fiona. Whoever that is.

FifG Game of the Week: Bucs vs. Patriots

22 Oct

Tampa Bay Bucs [0-6] vs. New England Patriots [4-2] (Sunday 1:00 p.m., CBS)

Ok, so it’s not really the Game of the Week. In fact, it will likely be a terrible game. But! The game is in London! And FifG is heading to Paris tonight! So it’s proximity to me qualifies it for the honor.

Want to learn more about the awfulness that will be going down in this game? Read my Chicks in the Huddle post here.

Want a souvenir from Europe? Tell me in the comments section. (None of my friends want souvenirs, which I get since souvenirs tend to be kind of lame, but I am so happy to be traveling to a souvenir-friendly place that I will probably end up forcing some Eiffel Tower figurine or bronzed Belgian waffle on all of them. Be forewarned, friends.)

FifG Game of the Week: New York Jets vs. Tennessee Titans

26 Sep

New York Jets [2-0] vs. Tennessee Titans [0-2] (Sunday 1:00 p.m., CBS)

Why it’s good football: Last year, the Jets defeated the Titans in a shocking upset of the then 10-0 Tennessee team. Perhaps more shocking is that the Titans are 0-2 this year when they were late-season favorites to make the Super Bowl last year. They lost a hard-fought season opener to the Pittsburgh Steelers, but then lost to the Houston Texans last week in a huge upset. Perhaps losing Albert Haynseworth to the Redskins in the offseason was a bigger loss than the Titans imagined? Or perhaps the first couple of losses are a fluke.

As for the Jets, they have a new, very vocal coach in Rex Ryan. Lucky for the team, they’ve played up to the high expectations that Ryan has set for them in the press, defeating the Houston Texans and, more impressively, the New England Patriots. They also have a rookie quarterback tailor-made for NYC. Mark Sanchez is extremely handsome, well-spoken, and has managed the games so far like a champ.

Why you might care:

Because you want to spend your Sunday watching Mark Sanchez. No really, you do.

Football is just like Pop Culture!

In the first season of Gilmore Girls, Rory met Dean at the public high school. Dean was tall and adorable and wore leather jackets and had hair that flopped into his eyes. Dean quoted Rosemary’s Baby and gave Rory jewelry. Oh, and he built her a car. Dean was the absolute perfect teen boyfriend.

And then season 2 began and the show needed some more romantic tension, so Jess was introduced. Jess was cocky and self-assured and hot, but he was also a lover of old books and indie music, and Rory suspected there was a sensitive side beneath his outward bravado. Slowly, Rory fell for Jess and away from Dean. And who could blame her–all of a sudden the writers decided Dean was a guy who loved video games, resented Rory’s love of books, and was basically a big, dumb lunkhead.

 

Jess and Rory

 

 

Last year, the Titans were one of the media darlings of the NFL. They had a stellar defense, an old but effective QB in Kerry Collins, and they could quote Rosemary’s Baby, er, I mean they had a sensational rookie running back in Chris Johnson. They picked up tons of wins, but pooped out just before the Super Bowl. This year the Jets are new to the scene– they are young and brash and hot (in win streak and QB), and the media is all over that. But just because the Titans have lost the first two games doesn’t mean that they have suddenly become something other than what they were–they still have much of the defense intact, they still have Kerry Collins at QB, and they still have Chris Johnson breaking tackles left and right. So this game could be a close one.

And if we base the results on the Gilmore boys, I’d say advantage Titans. After all, Jess broke Rory’s heart, forcing her to realize that Dean was better all along. (Then she lost her virginity to Dean even though he was married at the time, but that’s neither here nor there.)

Boyfriend/Husband/Dad/Other will be so impressed!

Conversation Starters:

- Can you believe the Titans are 0-2? What do you think their record will be at the end of the season?

-Why is Milo Ventimiglia so hot as Jess but so unappealing in every other acting role?

- Did you realize that Calvin Pace is still suspended? What do you think that Jets D is going to look like when he gets back?

Fun Facts:

- The Jets defense has only allowed 482 yards so far, fewest in the league. They also have allowed only 1 touchdown– a fumble return against Houston.

- Only 5 teams have made the playoffs after starting 0-3 in the modern NFL.

Player Pronunciation:

Darelle Revis (NYJ): dah-rehl ree-vis

Kevin Mawae (TEN): keh-vin mah-why

Cute football player(s) of the week:

Oh like you didn’t know this one already: Mark Sanchez, Jets QB.
But also: Cortland Finnegan, Titans cornerback

 

Everybody, this is Mark.

 

 

 

Even adorable in a closed-eye picture.

Even adorable in a closed-eye picture.

Um, serious lack of Cortland pictures on the interwebs. Fix yoself interwebs.

Um, serious lack of Cortland pictures on the interwebs. Fix yo'self interwebs.

 

Weekly Wrap-Up

17 Dec

Today was the first snow of the year. I love the first snow. I tend to hate every snow thereafter, but the first is wonderful. Especially when you remember to wear your boots in the morning, which I did.

That is the good news.

The bad news is the Bucs lost this weekend. Again. Miserably. I won’t go into it too much, but rest assured my hope is floating for next year already. Granted, the Bucs will make the playoffs if they win their last two games, but I just don’t see that happening. Clearly my hope is sunk for this season. I’m either a pessimist or a realist. I’ll let you know in a couple of weeks.

Here’s what else happened in football:

  • The Cowboys won the Game of the Week. Surprising! Especially considering all of the in-fighting that went on before the game started. The announcers kept saying that winning will solve any problem, but I’m just not so sure those guys can pull it together with all of the ego fragility going on in Dallas. But who knows? Never say never.
  • As for the Giants, two losses in a row at the end of the season is not a great sign for their Super Bowl aspirations. Is the loss of Plaxico going to keep them from a second trip to the Super Bowl? The game this Sunday night against the Carolina Panther will be huge. The Panthers are hitting their stride at just the right time, and if they beat the Giants they just might end up the NFC’s number one team in the playoffs. Game of the Week? Potentially, but maybe it’s too repetitive. Are there any Giants left whose name need pronunciation keys? I doubt it. Then again, everyone loves the NFC East.
  • Tennessee has been losing, too. Bad timing, folks. You’re supposed to start winning at the end of the season. Remember?
  • The Redskins’ coach is having self-esteem issues. Maybe he needs a hug. (Though perhaps fans in the DC area would disagree.)
  • Despite the loss of his father earlier in the week, Matt Cassel led his team to a win. To put it mildly. Very cool for him.

And this has nothing to do with football:

  • My friend and I got coffee this evening, and the (sorta kooky) lady sitting next to us asked if one or both of us was in love because, she claimed, it sounded like we were. (I blame my obnoxiously loud laugh for that.) She told us she was about to ask us what kind of shoes “he” likes to wear, because she was so sure there was a special “he” to ask about. Then she told us a story about how when she was in college she was in love, or her friend was in love, or maybe it was a friend of a friend, and she and her friends went to the lover boy’s dorm and saw his shoes outside his dorm room, and they immediately left. Because they didn’t like the shoes, I think. Or maybe because they liked the shoes too much? I couldn’t really follow. But I do know that she said you can tell a person’s quality by the amount of wear and tear on the shoes and whether they walk on their heels or the sides of their feet. I didn’t think to ask her which one is better. Shoot. Maybe the ideal man is flat-footed?

Also, it snowed today!

 

It took me like 7 tries to take this picture without the snowflake blurring.

It took me like 7 tries to take this picture without the lightpost snowflake lights blurring.

snow4

This one is artistic. You can see the snowflakes in the light! Sorta.

 

Ok, so there's not that much snow yet.

Ok, so there's not that much snow yet.

FifG Game of the Week: New York Jets v. Tennessee Titans

21 Nov
New York Jets [7-3] vs. Tennessee Titans [11-0] (Sunday 1:00 p.m., CBS)
Why it’s good football:
The Titans are playing great football, despite the fact that they are led by an old man of a quarterback and that they have few big name players. They’re just winning every game they play.
For the Jets, a win here would be a great way to start cementing a playoff spot in a weakened post-Brady AFC East division.
Why you might care:
Brett Favre is playing, and I know you all love him.
Plus, the Tennessee Titans are undefeated, and it’s always fun to watch undefeated teams this late in the season. People tend to fall in one of two camps: 1) those cheering for a clean sweep (a group that probably consists of 99.9% Titans fans and then maybe a few sports history lovers), and 2) those that are cheering for the Titans to lose (people who wish others to fail so that they can feel better about themselves, people who root for the underdog, people who were fans of the only unbeaten team in NFL history, the 1972 Miami Dolphins, members of that same dolphins team… Basically everyone.)
Football is just like Pop Culture!
With Twilight coming out this weekend (and, no, I’m not going to watch it this weekend), I’ll break this game down Stephenie Meyer style.
In the book, Edward (the vampire) and Jacob (the werewolf–i mean, oops, the non-monster if you’ve only read Book 1) fight for Bella’s heart. Edward is handsome and devoted and madly in love with Bella, but he’s overprotective and a little creepy. Jacob is fun, friendly, and madly in love with Bella, but he’s not Edward.
In this game, Brett Favre is the Edward. He’s handsome and charismatic and everyone loves to watch him play, and he’s captured the football fandom like Edward captured Bella’s heart–nearly immediately and whole-heartedly. Then there’s Tennessee QB Kerry Collins. He’s an old guy, which isn’t like Jacob at all, but here he is, always in the league, always there for his team, just solid and stable and winning those games.
I happen to be on Team Edward.
Boyfriend/Husband/Dad/Other will be so impressed!
Conversation Starters:
-So, do you think the Titans will win out? How much would that kill last year’s Patriots? [And Tiffani has a good point--you definitely want to lose early rather than losing in the Super Bowl! That had to hurt...]
-Who do you think will win the AFC East this year? Who knew it would be up for grabs this late in the year–and that the Jets and Dolphins would be in the hunt!
Player Pronunciation:
Alge Crumpler (TEN): al-jee krump-lehr
Lavernues Coles (NYJ): lah-vehr-nee-us kohlz
Cute football players of the week:
Jevon Kearse, Tennessee Titans, Defensive Lineman
Jay Feely, New York Jets, Kicker
Jevon Kearse prays for a shirt.

Jevon Kearse prays for a shirt.

How does that stretch feely?

How does that stretch feely?

Weekly Wrap-Up

4 Nov
  • FifG Game of the Week winner? The Jets! I didn’t watch the game. Maybe it was interesting.
  • How was everyone’s Halloween? I dressed up as Bristol Palin, because I had no time/money for anything more creative and throwing a pillow under a dress is an easy way to make a costume. Luckily, there was a Sarah Palin and two moose at the party I went to, so we battled it out. They made my costume more exciting. Thanks Mom and Mooses!
  • The Bucs won in a horrendously nerve-wracking game against the terribly terrible Kansas City Chiefs. I will write more about that later, but my life has officially been shortened by somewhere between 2 and 5 years.
  • The Tennessee Titans are still undefeated. They won in a close one, too. Maybe they should be part of next week’s game of the week. Who do they play? One sec… Ok, sorry. They play Chicago. Eh. Maybe.
  • My fantasy football team used to be good. What happened?!
  • Nate and Jenny on Gossip Girl: the least convincing, most vomit-inducing couple on tv? Discuss.
  • I had a mint chocolate chip cupcake at Crumbs tonight. A REVELATION. So good. Maybe I should give it a blog post of its own. Though mostly I just want to say that it is yummmmmmy.
  • I’m watching The Hills on DVR now. Audrina really wants to move in with Justin Bobby? Yoiks. That girl. I mean, you can’t really see much happening behind her eyes, but you just hope that there’s something going on. But maybe not. Oh, and did you see Lauren on David Letterman? I can’t tell if she’s really dumb or just really self-important to a fault. I guess she could be both.
  • If the Steelers intercept the football 25 times in the next two quarters, I may win fantasy football this week. I could have picked up Willie Parker. But did I? No.

FifG Game of the Week: New York Jets vs. Buffalo Bills

1 Nov
New York Jets [4-3] vs. Buffalo Bills [5-2] (Sunday 1:00 p.m., CBS)
Why it’s good football:
It’s a division battle in an up-for-grabs AFC East. The Bills, whose record matches that of the New England Patriots, are coming off of a division loss to the Miami Dolphins. This should drive them to compete even harder, though they are dealing with a bunch of injuries. The Jets would like to stay in the competition to win the division, as well, and this game would be a great step toward doing just that.
Why you might care:
Who can resist watching Brett Favre play? Ok, maybe you have until now, but the reason people like Brett so much (other than his cameo on There’s Something About Mary), is because he has a certain joy when he’s playing. He always seems to be having fun when he’s out on the field, and he tends to do jumping running hugs when he throws a touchdown. It’s charming.
Football is just like Pop Culture!
At the beginning of American Idol two seasons ago, it seemed clear that at the end of the season, the two singers standing would be Melinda and Lakisha, the two big-voiced “divas” of the competition. Lakisha fell out of favor fairly quickly due to some bad song choices (“That song was just a’ight for me”), so then the season’s trajectory became a matter of determining who would come in second place to Melinda. But then, Melinda’s Achilles Heel (knee?) showed early and she was voted off weeks before the finale. All of a sudden, we had to look at Jordin Sparks, Blake Lewis, and even Jason “Duuuuuude” Castro and figure out who was going to win this thing. The competitors realized, too, that it was anyone’s game, and they started pulling out the stops. Blake dyed his hair black–the color of serious rockers–and beat boxed his way through Bon Jovi week in an inspired performance. Jordin straightened her hair and sang serious songs about longing. Jason… well, Jason did his best to remember all of the lyrics despite his (presumably) significantly reduced number of brain cells. And he kept his dreds. Anyway, Jordin came away with the win.
How does this apply to the Bills vs. Jets? Well, the Pats were supposed to run away with the AFC East this year, but then Tom Brady got injured, and now it’s anybody’s division. And the teams are playing up to these new expectations. Even Miami, who won a single game last year, is pulling out all the stops with a bunch of crazy trick plays to win more games. And it’s working! They’ve already tripled last year’s wins.
Boyfriend/Husband/Dad/Other will be so impressed!
Conversation Starters:
-Do you think Brett Favre is happy he unretired from football to play with the Jets? [Favre was a Green Bay Packer for years, retired as a Packer, and then decided to come back to football. The Packers wouldn't take him back, so he was traded to the Jets.]
-The Bills are tied with the Patriots at the top of the AFC East. Do you think they can take the division this year?
Fun Facts:
-Lots of teams seem to be firing their coaches midseason this year (Rams, 49ers, Raiders), but this week the Bills have rewarded their coach, Dick Jauron, for their so-far successful season with a 3-year contract extension.
Player Pronunciation:
Kawika Mitchell (BUF): ka-vi-ka mi-chuhl
Chansi Stuckey (NYJ): chans-ee stuk-ee
Cute football player(s) of the week:
D’brickashaw Ferguson, OT, Jets (Mostly I think I like his name.)
Lee Evans, WR, Bills

Dbrickashaw knows he looks good.

D'brickashaw likes how he looks, too.

Lee Evans is sitting.

Lee Evans is sitting.

Action Lee.

Action Lee.

FifG Game of the Week: New England Patriots vs. San Diego Chargers

11 Oct

New England Patriots [3-1] vs. San Diego Chargers [2-3] (Sunday 8:15 p.m., NBC)

Why it’s good football: Well, this year it’s not the best football ever, honestly, but last year? Whew, this would have been a great matchup! So maybe the best thing about this game is watching to see which team that was supposed to be good this year is better than the other.

Why are they not so hot this year? Tom Brady was knocked out of the season with a knee injury in the first game of the year, and the Patriots season came tumbling after. (Though it seems Tom may be tying the knot with Gisele any day now, so his year doesn’t seem to be as bad as his team’s thus far.) As for the Chargers, well, they’ve had a lot of bad luck with officiating thus far, and Ladanian Tomlinson, their star running back, has been off to a slow start.

Why you might care:

Lots of teams have been wearing throwback jerseys this year, so maybe the Chargers will, too. And, I’m sorry, but these are just the prettiest football uniforms ever.

Dont get your dirty handprint on my uniform.

Don't get your dirty handprint on my uniform.

Football is just like Pop Culture!

It’s not exactly a girly tv show, but it was a movie, and a book, and it’s one of my favorite analogies.

Randy Moss is totally Seabiscuit! Seabiscuit was the award-winning racehorse in the 1930s-40s. The book is by Laura Hillenbrand. I loved. The movie starred Tobey Maguire. I only watched the first five minutes. Not because it was a bad movie necessarily (because I don’t know if it was–I didn’t watch it), but because my favorite parts of the book that were the ones that dealt with the psychology of the horse himself. The movie couldn’t possibly have done anything similar unless there was some Beverly Hills Chihuahua/Mr. Ed-type action happening. So anyway, let me tell you about Seabiscuit. He was an extremely talented racer, very fast and very much aware of his own skill. (Yes, it’s true. It’s in the book!) Apparently he also liked messing with the heads of the other horses and would run at a slow pace so that the other horses thought they were going to win, and then he’d pull ahead in the last couple of steps and break their hearts. According to the book, several horses had to stop racing altogether because their hearts were broken after dealing with Seabiscuit’s antics. Of course, in general if the competition was not at a level that Seabiscuit deemed adequate, he just wouldn’t try at all, and he’d lose races he should have won because he just didn’t feel like the races were worth his energy.

Randy Moss is the same sort of athlete! He’s considered one of the most talented wide receivers in the league today, and some say in the history of football. (If you keep statements like this really vague, that makes them more true. Fact.) He’s tall, and he can jump, and he’s fast, and when he’s playing at his best, it’s a thing of athletic beauty. However, when he doesn’t feel his team’s level of play is high enough, he checks out. Randy was drafted by the Minnesota Vikings and played well for them for a while, but he had conflicts with his co-receiver Cris Carter and ended up heading to Oakland. In Oakland he was miserable and so played miserably. What does that mean? Well, receivers have set routes that they are supposed to run each play, depending on what the coach/QB calls. On his worst days, Randy wouldn’t run the routes. He’d stop or he’d jog. If the ball was thrown over his head, he’d just watch it go instead of making the kind of leaping catches he was clearly able to make. Plus he was grumpy with the press and likely grumpy with other players. Not good.

Now, last year, Randy was traded to the New England Patriots. Many assumed that Randy would be the same lazy, cranky player that he’d become everywhere else he went. But the Patriots were exceptionally good, and Tom Brady was the QB of his dreams, and so Randy thrived. Brady threw him the ball often, and Randy scored scads and scads of touchdowns. And they won every single regular season game together. And then they won all of their playoff games. And then they lost the Super Bowl. Oops. But then 2008 was the year! Super Bowl! Huge numbers! And then Brady was hurt in the first game. Double Oops.

Question now, how will Randy react to playing with a new, non-Brady QB? They’ve already lost to the Miami Dolphins this year, so what happens if they keep losing? Does Randy Moss turn into the same old slacker, or is his winning spirit going to carry over from last year? My bet? Well, I’ll just say that Seabiscuit would probably just trot it out.

Boyfriend/Husband/Dad/Other will be so impressed!

Conversation Starters:

- The Chargers are giving up 25.8 points a game this year. What happened to their defense?

-Do you have LT (Ladanian Tomlinson) on your fantasy team this year? Killing you so far, right? At least you didn’t pick a Brady and Moss tandem! Hahaha.

Fun Fact:

-The Patriots’ first four games of 2008 were played against teams whose 2007 records were a combined 14-50. They’ve lost one game so far (to the Dolphins who were 1-15 last year). The Chargers’ first five games of 2008 were played against opponents whose 2007 records were a combined 23-57. They’ve lost three of these games. New England has already had a bye week this year, which accounts for having played only four games thus far.

Player Pronunciation:

Matt Cassel (NE): mat ka-suhl

Nate Kaeding (SD): nāt kā-ding

Cute football player(s) of the week:

Wes Welker, New England Patriots wide receiver

Wes Welker is a stallion. (Im not an expert on horse puns.)

Wes Welker is a stallion. (Or just insert some other, more clever horse pun here.)

Separated at birth?

21 Sep
Matt Cassel, Patriots QB

Matt Cassel, Patriots QB

They look alike, right? Am I crazy?

Mike MacDonald from MadTV

Mike MacDonald from MadTV

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